e-mail from Metacortex to beta test applicants, "Followup: 10/31 incident," Nov 1:

Dear BetaTest applicant, 

On the evening of October 31st, a large electrical storm passed through a portion of the Pacific Northwest. Power surges and outages were reported in the Redland area in particular. Our own backup systems survived the disturbance. 

It has come to our attention that our MetaBroadcast server (which has remote connections to outside providers) momentarily went down, resulting in automated phone calls going out to a portion of our current applicant database. Metacortechs and its affiliates would like to extend sincere apologies for any confusion or inconvenience this might have caused for you. 

Our technicians are currently securing all telephony circuits and lines. Your information is valued, and secure, and we do not anticipate any future occurrences. 

Thank you! 

MetaCortex Beta Test Team

 

Kat's e-mail:

Email from emc2@metadex.net

Date: 11/1/03 12:23
Subject: Unbelievable!

You are never going to believe this! I can't believe it and I was there. It's just incredibly insane.

I had just returned from a short walk gathering wood and stuff for the fire. There were a couple kids not far from the camp site that, like me, seemed to be waiting for something to happen. We were all startled when we saw a group of bats fly through a tree. No, they weren't flying through trees, but THROUGH A TREE! It was the most impossible thing that I've ever seen and I must have stumbled when I went to reach for my camera as I fell through my tent. Right through the side of it. When I caught my balance I swear that I was standing inside my tent yet I was outside. I mean, my feet and legs were in the tent and yet my head and arms were outside. There was no rip or tear or anything it. I just don't know, it's like it wasn't there, but it was. I was surrounded by my tent but I wasn't trapped, it was just a very curious feeling. When I looked to see if the kids had seen it I saw a man standing about 20-25 feet away. He was just standing there not saying anything. I have no idea what happened to the kids, they were gone. It was just him and me and all very strange. I turned and left the tent half way hoping that when I turned back around he'd be gone. But he was just stood there. I tried to talk to him. Nothing. I asked if he saw it, said hello. Nothing. Asked if he was ok, if he understood english. Still nothing. Then I asked if he knew what was happening and he started to leave. It was just so unreal and I felt like I was losing my mind. I have no idea where he went or anything. Why was he here? What was he doing? Was it all just my imagination? By the time I got my camera, he was gone and everything was back to normal.

I'm completely overwhelmed. Here I was absolutely prepared to document everything and I've got nothing but my memories. I wrote everything down afterward, but I'm certain that I missed something. I can't wait to get home and compare my notes with some of the other incidents. I should be home tomorrow morning or so, I'm hoping that something else may happen tonight, though I'm not sure that it will. I'll call you when I'm getting close so that I can pick up Laika. I hope that she hasn't been much trouble!

Beth

 

Phil's e-mail:

Email from emc2@metadex.net

Date: 11/1/03 12:28
Subject: It happened!

Phil! You'll never believe it! I experienced a paranormal event! I so wish that you had been here with me. It was all so very unreal and spectacular. I can't wait to tell you all about it. I didn't take any notes. I couldn't. It just happened so fast and I didn't know what to do. It wasn't at all what I expected, but I don't know what it was that I was expecting. It made my pda go crazy though. I'm not sure what happened to it, but I'll have time to check it out when I get home. I hope that we can talk then. Are you still upset with me?

Beth

 

in Beth's metadex:

<communication protocol="cg://ara9975.lka18383">
   <bootstrap interop="standard" value="true"/>
   <interware status="err259"/>
   <message type="response"/>
   <context_inference subject="tent" confidence="0.8" status="success"/>
   <data vis_range_optimal="1000m" vis_range_current="16.2m" dist_to_obj="8.2m"/>
   <response type="boolean" value="true"/>
</communication>

<communication protocol="cg://ara9975.lka18383">
   <bootstrap interop="standard" value="true"/>
   <interware status="err259"/>
   <message type="greeting"/>
   <greeting type="generic"/>
</communication>

<communication protocol="cg://ara9975.lka18383">
   <bootstrap interop="standard" value="true"/>
   <interware status="err259"/>
   <message type="query"/>
   <query_structure>
      <object ref="recipient" class="human">
         <property id="primary_function" type="function"/>
      </object>
   </query_structure>
</communication>

<communication protocol="cg://ara9975.lka18383">
   <bootstrap interop="standard" value="true"/>
   <interware status="err259"/>
   <message type="response"/>
   <diagnostic system="audio" subsystem="reception">
      <result optimal="1.0" current="0.9" status="active"/>
   </diagnostic>
   <data min_level="0.3" max_level="21.7" ambient_noise_filter="active" noise_reduction="active" speech_level="3.2"/>
   <response type="boolean" value="true"/>
</communication>

<communication protocol="cg://ara9975.lka18383">
   <bootstrap interop="standard" value="true"/>
   <interware status="err259"/>
   <message type="query"/>
   <query_structure>
      <object ref="recipient" class="human">
         <method id="cause_of" return_type="intention">
            <parameter value="location"/>
            <parameter value="current_location"/>
         </method>
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   </query_structure>
</communication>

<communication protocol="cg://ara9975.lka18383">
   <bootstrap interop="standard" value="true"/>
   <interware status="err259"/>
   <message type="response"/>
   <system_check>
      <diagnostic system="sensory" subsystem="all">
         <result optimal="1.0" current="0.7" status="active"/>
      </diagnostic>
      <diagnostic system="locomotion" subsystem="all">
         <result optimal="1.0" current="1.0" status="optimal"/>
      </diagnostic>
      <diagnostic system="communications" subsystem="all">
         <result optimal="1.0" current="0.5" status="concern">
            <error subsystem="nat_lang_gen" message="not_present"/>
         </result>
      </diagnostic>
      <diagnostic system="memory" subsystem="all">
         <result optimal="1.0" current="0.3" status="error">
            <error subsystem="data_retrieval" message="corrupted"/>
         </result>
      </diagnostic>
   </system_check>
   <response type="boolean">
      <range lower_bound="false" upper_bound="true"/>
   </response>
</communication>

<communication protocol="cg://ara9975.lka18383">
   <bootstrap interop="standard" value="true"/>
   <interware status="err259"/>
   <message type="response"/>
   <interop>
      <protocol_from type="nat_lang" name="eng" subclass="us"/>
      <protocol_to type="cg" id="cg://ara9975.lka18383"/>
      <status value="installed"/>
   </interop>
   <response type="boolean" value="true"/>
</communication>

<communication protocol="cg://ara9975.lka18383">
   <bootstrap interop="standard" value="true"/>
   <interware status="err259"/>
   <message type="query"/>
   <query_structure>
      <object ref="recipient" class="human">
         <property id="communication_protocols" type="collection">
            <method id="contains" return_type="boolean">
               <parameter value="cg://ara9975.lka18383"/>
            </method>
         </property>
      </object>
   </query_structure>
</communication>

<communication protocol="cg://ara9975.lka18383">
   <bootstrap interop="standard" value="true"/>
   <interware status="err259"/>
   <message type="greeting"/>
   <greeting type="generic"/>
</communication>

<communication protocol="cg://ara9975.lka18383">
   <bootstrap interop="standard" value="true"/>
   <interware status="err259"/>
   <message type="request"/>
   <request_structure>
      <interop>
         <protocol_from type="cg" id="cg://ara9975.lka18383"/>
         <protocol_to type="nat_lang" name="eng" subclass="any"/>
      </interop>
   </request_structure>
</communication>

<communication protocol="cg://ara9975.lka18383">
   <bootstrap interop="standard" value="true"/>
   <interware status="err259"/>
   <message type="response"/>
   <context_inference subject="null" confidence="0.0" status="failure">
      <support>
         <subject raw_data="what's happening" expansion="what is happening" type="local_event"/>
         <error local_event_count="84720075" heuristic_narrowing="active" heuristic="immediate_vicinity" candidate_event_count="64492" identification="failure"/>
      </support>
   </context_inference>
   <generalization>
      <events count="64492">
         <condition type="foreach">
            <method id="is_aware_of" return_type="boolean">
               <parameter value="self"/>
            </method>
            <operator type="equals" value="true"/>
         </condition>
         <result true="64492" false="0"/>
      </events>
   </generalization>
   <response type="boolean" value="true" confidence="0.4"/>
</communication>

<communication protocol="cg://ara9975.lka18383">
   <bootstrap interop="standard" value="true"/>
   <interware status="err259"/>
   <message type="response"/>
   <response type="translocation">
      <translocation>
         <vector type="polar">
            <theta unit="sau" value="84"/>
            <psi unit="sau" value="7"/>
            <r unit="sdu" value="258"/>
         </vector>
         <method id="standard"/>
      </translocation>
   </response>
</communication>

<communication protocol="cg://ara9975.lka18383">
   <bootstrap interop="standard" value="true"/>
   <interware status="err259"/>
   <message type="greeting"/>
   <greeting type="generic"/>
</communication>

<communication protocol="cg://ara9975.lka18383">
   <bootstrap interop="standard" value="true"/>
   <interware status="err259"/>
   <message type="response"/>
   <context_inference subject="null" confidence="0.0" status="failure">
      <support>
         <subject id="this" type="local_object"/>
         <error local_object_count="97365" heuristic_narrowing="active" heuristic="immediate_vicinity" candidate_object_count="974" identification="failure"/>
      </support>
   </context_inference>
   <generalization>
      <objects count="974">
         <condition type="foreach">
            <method id="is_imagined_by" return_type="boolean">
               <parameter value="querent"/>
            </method>
            <operator type="equals" value="true"/>
         </condition>
         <result true="0" false="974"/>
      </objects>
   </generalization>
   <response type="boolean" value="false" confidence="0.3"/>
</communication>

<communication protocol="cg://ara9975.lka18383">
   <bootstrap interop="standard" value="true"/>
   <interware status="err259"/>
   <message type="response"/>
   <idiom_detection confidence="0.6" value="true">
      <result status="failure"/>
   </idiom_detection>
   <object>
      <object ref="sender" class="human">
         <property id="mind" type="unknown"/>
      </object>
      <status value="not_found"/>
   </object>
   <response type="boolean" value="true" confidence="0.6"/>
</communication>

 

November 01, 2003

ethan.thenekodas.com

OK, this is getting weird

Alright, so I'm sitting here this morning, and someone knocks on the door. I open it and it's that guy Todd Rogan, again! I have no idea how he knew I was back in town, let alone what room I was in!

I told him I didn't really appreciate him stalking me, to which he apologized profusely. He just kept staring at me and asking me questions. Questions about where I lived, where I work, my family, etc. etc. At first, I didn't want to give him any information about me, but then I figured if I did, he would FINALLY realize I'm not who he thinks I am and leave me alone.

But the more questions I answered, the more agitated he became. I tried to ask him what exactly was going on, but he was very evasive, saying something about this being so big, and I would just think he was nuts if he told me, that I'd have to 'see some things for myself.'

I asked him what that meant, and he said he couldn't really say, but if I wanted to get to the bottom of things that I might try stopping by the High Flyer Bar down on the lakefront.

He softened a little then, looked me in the eye and told me that regardless, it was really really good to see me again. Then he left.

So how totally whacked is this? I mean, this just happened, and I'm all shaken up. I almost called the front desk to chew them out for releasing my room number to someone, but something about the guy, his sincerity I think, made me decide not to. Plus, I just keep having the nagging feeling that I do know this guy, somehow, although I have no idea how.

Anyway, I get to look forward to a boring weekend with nothing to do, and trying not to let this thing bug me. I just may stop by that bar he mentioned tonight just to check it out. Who knows, maybe something there will let me put this whole thing to rest. At the very least, I can drown myself in Pyramids, heh. I wish it was warmer, or I'd rent a sailboat and relax. Maybe I'll go see a flick.

Ahh, matinees. Just like college.

Posted by Ethan at 01:10 PM

 

Matinee Idol

Honey, please be careful.

I trust in your instincts, though. It's one of the things I adore the most about you. You get people - it's as if you have some innate ability to separate the meat from the gristle when it comes to personalities.

I think that's part of what makes your trips so hard right now. I wish you could just sit with me, quietly, in our living room, and you could tell me why these nights plague me so.

Mmm, tell me all about the movie when you call. If you must communicate with this Todd guy, please, do stay in public areas. I find that I am really intrigued - the sleep-deprived brain in my head feels like an outsider. It's some fantastic story, some movie-of-the-week, but it's happening to us.

Anyway, love you, baby.

Posted by Dina at 01:31 PM

 

In shock

Dina,

I went down to the High Flyer Bar tonight. I went in, went to the bar and sat down. Nice place, good view, upscale clientele. Seemed like a pretty normal place, so I started to relax a little.

I didn't see anybody I knew, and while I was wondering what to do, the bartender comes up to me. That's when things got weird. He smiled and asked me if I'd like 'the usual.' The usual???

I asked him if he knew me, and he said sure I do, you used to come in here all the time. He then gave me a Mack and Jack's, on the house. It was good, heheh.

I was pretty sure that it was becoming apparent that someone's running around out there who's my twin, so I asked the bartender (Mike) who he thought I was.

He looked a little unsure of himself at that point, and said he didn't quite know what I wanted him to do or say. Me? I have no clue! Then he said he'd just better play it safe and give me something, then whatever happens would be in my hands.

He pulled out an envelope from behind the cash register. It's at this point that I'm not sure how to go on about this. The only thing I can think of to do is to put up a picture of what was inside for you to see, because I need you to verify something for me.

Is this my handwriting????

Posted by Ethan at 11:39 PM

 

November 02, 2003

ethan.thenekodas.com

.

Yes.

Yes, it is.

?

Posted by Dina at 01:00 AM

 

November 02, 2003

dina.thenekodas.com

snow globe

The world seems very different now than it did, oh, maybe an hour ago.

Posted by Dina at 01:01 AM

 

November 02, 2003

ethan.thenekodas.com

Sleepless in...no, I won't

OK, sorry but it's true. This thing kept me up all night last night.

Don't do anything until I get home, then we'll figure out what, if anything, we should do from here. I'll be home tomorrow on 938, unless you hear otherwise.

See you soon....finally!

Posted by Ethan at 12:46 PM

 

 

November 03, 2003

dina.thenekodas.com

inbetween

Amazing.

At the point in my life where I feel most unsure of everything and anything that I have ever seen with my own eyes, I have a wonderful night's sleep. I am tense and ready to spring into action, but for the first time in months now I feel rested. It's an odd feeling. When I slept, the darkness was a soothing caul over me. I was cradled in the warmth of real, good sleep.

I have been searching so hard for this sweet relief, and here it is, on the very eve of something inside me breaking through. If it wasn't so readily apparent before, I'd say that my body is taking one last measure of preparedness for the times ahead. Sweet, sweet sleep.

I wish we knew what the next thing was.

 

np: All I Need Is Everything, Over the Rhine

Posted by Dina at 10:25 AM

 

CD found [by players] in Chicago (Cyberia Internet Cafe, located with Ethan's note)

Contents:

 

Folder named 12/29/2001:

                 

 

Folder named "legal":

 

Folder named "personal":

Jesse.jpgjesse2.jpgjesse3.jpg

 

November 04, 2003

dina.thenekodas.com

Leiphe Lessons

How important is your family in your life? Are they a source of strength and support or stress and frustration?

Since I know I've got a couple of people reading these for workshop purposes (hello, Mr. Wongmo!), I'll try to lay off the schmoopiness about Ethan. I forget sometimes that it's not just 'the hubby' <!-- btw, I loathe this word and want to chop off the heads of anyone who uses it. Truly. What a horrible, stupid word - I use it in total irony, here. Perhaps second to it is Dear Husband, or DH for short. Horrifyingly twee --> reading all this. Suffice it to say, Ethan is both the best support I've ever had in memory, as well as a huge frustration. His job takes him away from home so often that it feels like just when I've gotten the hang of routine and comfort with him, the job steps in, and I'm solo for another little chunk of time. He and I get along so well and have so much trust between us - we've scaled the hurdles everyone else does, and it feels quite satisfying to have made this journey with him. I am hoping someday we can find a balance in the stress and machinations of daily life, and find more time for each other. Pixels on the screen and a voice on the phone are less and less satisfying, personally. Sorry, Ethan. I know we're both doing the best we can with what we've got.

Do you have any siblings? If so, what is your relationship with them? How has it changed over time? What about your relationship with your parents?

Both parents have passed on, sadly. I try not to think about it too much. My mother was an amazing person - resilient, somewhat stoic, but loyal and true like no other human I've ever known. Her dedication to her values and the people she loved was a model for me in life from my teen years on. My father, hale and hearty, was the artist with a businessman's attitude. He - he was a musician, too. He taught me violin. He did. There was a piano in the front room. <!-- what the hell? I used to have to dust it every single Saturday, when we did chores. I had to make sure I had practiced all of the pieces he'd put in a yellow folder inside the bench. Each piece, three times, at the very least. The sun would slant in through the curtains, a glow that would fill the room and make each note soft and it would ring through the air with a resonance that astounded me, even as a kid. That I could place an index finger on a smooth ivory key and press, and I'd be making music. Mom used to watch me, she would stand with an armload of books or newspapers or research materials - on her way to another room to work, and she'd watch me, listening with all her heart. Sometimes I'd forget the whole world, but I could feel her there, listening and absorbing my attempts at making Chopin run like cool water and desperate laughter. The years I spent drowning in music - how could I forget? The singing strings of the violin, the pizzicato plucks that gave me a blister on my finger, Suzuki feet and resin dust tickling my nose. Scherzo scherzo scherzo andante adagio scherzo scherzo scherzo. The world is a scherzo. This must have been a dream stuck somewhere - how do I not know any of this now? Until now? This front room, this loving mother, this father who has apparently passed down music and love and passion of the depth of humanity through art - when I have only found music this past year? What is happening to me? -->

Anyway, my relationship with them was as normal as could be, I suppose! Fights with mom as I turned into a surly rebellious teenager, distance from my father until it was almost too late. All the makings for an ABC After School Special - On How to Be Normal. Yep.

Siblings I have none, although I think I managed to stray from being an Only Child, by dint of being too absorbed in other people's lives to really worry about my own. Books that I read, movies I saw, music I listened to. I used to sit and listen to the Beatles, Paul and George warring for best-loved in my heart(John wouldn't have wanted anything to do with me, I am sure), quietly freaking at side four track five of the white album. I had many friends as a kid, and a lot of the time they felt like an additional family - we were all so close, especially in high school. I wonder where so many of them have gone. How did we lose touch?

Are you married or single? Are you happy with your current situation?

Married, and very happy.

Do you have or want children? How do you picture yourself as a mother or father? Is it similar to how you remember your own mother or father?

I don't think I ever wanted children. There was no primordial tug, no epiphany upon inhaling the powdered scent of a friend's 3-week-old, no nesting instincts. I say was. Perhaps I am not so sure now. <!-- not sure not sure not sure but oh god, I read this question days ago and it's still causing me great distress. I can't help it - these tears from the pit of my stomach, the loss I am feeling that is ever-so-slightly detached from my reality. I wanted him and needed him, and had him, right here, with me. He is gone. He was never mine. Taken from my life as if he never existed. Ruffling his hair, the top of his head warmer than mine - he's been playing around, he's been out with friends, he's been drinking too much soda, he's got bright sparkling eyes and he is there for us. He is there, in our home, a mind like a trap, cutting a fine literary figure in his flannel and his ratty old gym shoes. I miss this person I have never known. I can feel the absence ... here. Right behind my eyes, right in my heart, an ache that supercedes the pale yellow-green of spring, the glory and joy of singing, the flat of my hand against cool varnished wood. I've been looking all this time. I've been sleepwalking through unfamiliar terrain. I am held here inside four times two times three times 5 walls. I miss him so, and I want him back. -->

Is your family a source of financial support or do you find that you need to help support them? How does this make you feel?

Ethan is our breadwinner at present, although we've both held jobs before. The past several months have seen me taking a break for some work on music. If all goes well (cross fingers!), I'll probably start teaching lessons to younger students. I gotta learn this stuff first, though. I'm still a kid, music-wise.

Posted by Dina at 03:16 AM

 

music homework

music.jpg
[notes spell out "dead cafe"]

Posted by Dina at 06:22 AM

 

music homework, cont'd

659.255113825739859
830.609395159890277
987.766602512248223

[frequencies of notes that form a musical "triad"]

Posted by Dina at 07:45 AM

 

dina.thenekodas.com/deadcafe.html:

 

 

Dream falling, dream hitting the ground.
Dream waking.
Except I'm not awake. Of course.

Apocalypse all around me
deserted concrete slabs and broken windows and blown-out cars
the sky is rumbling and furious in dark roiling clouds and electrical energy
this is hate, seething, the after-math
what is this? I can't breathe very well here, and I am feeling pinned by the atmosphere.
(pinned like lead aprons for dental work x-rays, heavy pressing, even layer of dread and gravity over every inch of exposed skin and limb)
the lightning, the electrical storm, it's gorgeous in a cinematic sort of way, except I am HERE, NOW
and I can feel it in my hair
and the smell of it in my nostrils
the smell of human decay, of dust and engine oil
the whipsmart black pepper ozone flatness
This is terrible
I can't find my family, here
I can hardly lift my head
There are caverns in the earth and there are angry gods in the heavens
So much chaos here

I expect to feel more pain, but somehow it's being leeched out of me and transformed. I start to get angry, and then it's gone. I start to struggle, and then I immediately forget why I am struggling.

I am jealous of the world for being angry. I cannot feel anything.

There is very little color in this dream that I can remember. Shredded posters on the remaining wall of a low building - rusted red, like dried blood. Yellow, indanthrone, striped across in headlines, probably some band played there once. There's absolutely no music now. There's almost nothing.

 

dina.thenekodas.com/triad.html:

This is the first time my dream has started with a voice, rather than imagery. I am not entirely sure, but I believe the dreams are gaining more substance because I've been making such a habit to write them down. Details that most people might not remember in that first cold-sweat moment after waking are now occurring to me more often and more easily. For instance, the man's watch has no numbers on its face, there is a smell of dry-erase marker when I see mathematical symbols, the bicycle is not only blue, the person's pedaling backwards, etc.

"Out of this life every land is exile."

It's a warm voice, warm like tobacco smoke and lemon furniture polish. The voice carries the archetypical classic grizzled old-eccentric-in-his-wood-paneled-study timbre. It's soothing. It's the kind of voice you want at the other end of the phone line when you've been long gone from home, and you miss it terribly.

A rousing cheer comes up from a small crowd of party people at this affectionately tendered statement, and suddenly the lights of the dream snap on. I'm dressed to the nines, I'm in some sort of side parlor in a large house, and chairs are gathered/crowded around two mismatched tables laden with a feast of fruit and wine bottles. We've been merry. Hey! Why can't my dreams start a bit earlier in the timeline, here? I haven't been to a party this friendly and decadent in quite some time. I must have been telling stories, mostly, and the audience is listening, rapt, as I talk about bits of new songs I had written, and I sing a refrain or two, and wow, the people clap and smile and their eyes are clear and shining. (I must be nervous about the recital coming up)

We're in another country, here, I know. We're the foreigners, and we're in this little room with a dozen chairs and the taste of grapes on our tongues.

The best story I tell is about the tortoise - the one from the dream breakfast. I talk about its wisdom, the way it moves through this world into the next, and how it apparently absorbs the thoughts and dreams of all who hope, and every night it spells out those wishes in faint glowing letters on its shell. It sometimes whispers, and taking a deep breath, I quickly whisper out my dreams and hopes and hurts and wants in one long breath, in a rasp that sounds exactly like a tortoise would, and the room is filled with delight and wonderment at this creature I've discovered, how I am able to recall its amazing ability.

The only hope I remember speaking is, "Him have I lost; the wish to find, the want to know, the need to hear and see."

 

Marcus Ormond's metadex:

Ormond's metadex, Nov. 5th - Dimitri.zip

                 

decodes to:

I know that my dad trusted you and I could use your help. I don't know where else to turn. It has been too long, I should have heard by now. None of our plans have worked out. I know that they are still out there! But where? Do you know? Have you heard? Can you help? This is all my fault. I wish I understood what I did.  -J

 

November 05, 2003

dina.thenekodas.com

i'm holding on.

Posted by Dina at 01:46 AM

 

making a mix

song
song
song
song
song
song
song
song
song
song
song
song
song
song
[the names of the composers spell out "ballads of frogs"...also, these links don't work]

Posted by Dina at 09:30 AM

 

dina.thenekodas.com/balladsoffrogs.html:

what we didn't want to do was start over what we didn't want to do was let someone else make our decisions for us what we didn't want was an extra side of apathy with our order and oh ethan how we tried, we tried so hard to remember clinging to that rock face, sisyphus and and prometheus both how we loved and lost and won the battle lost the war

those rounds those squares those angles this chair my love and you - there could be a place a place a place here
her
her
her
him
me
alone
it's so cold here in the house right now such a sense of foreboding and i can feel the other side of this wall, almost as if i could put my hand right through it i am afraid to try because i think right now in these hours of hell and steel i just might, like a ghost, and then i will lose you i will pass through and i will subsist on ghostly meagerness and memory of you, and you will not know how to follow me


this panic is like a shaking bundle of clanging heavy cords of metal, wire jangling and shrieking with aggression and cold. i am so cold right now, hands are numb and fingertips icy - our dear boy he is smiling and he is ours and i never want to let him go. we made a promise, to each other, and to him, to never let him go but those hands too strong to be anything but authority defined, they pulled us like taffy, they stretched our world thin and it snapped and suddenly the messy room and the posters and the video games and the teenaged voice were gone gone gone oh how we were supposed to take care of him, and now he's gone he may be dead and we have failed, love

my boy. my beautiful little boy.

aeschylus scratches on his tablet and we are represented by faceless chorus and meager settings. this is the wasteland, you and i here and alone and pounding against the end of the world, never able to break the glass and breathing the air that's gone heavy and stale with ignorance.

my memories! these floods of emotion are almost too much to bear. every hour they plague me, like fire racing across my scalp, and i am gasping, sobbing, my pulse rate is too high, and then it's gone. like a fever, it breaks. and then it is back again: my alarm clock used to have blue lcd, my favorite piece of music is 2 minutes longer than the one i know now, i used to have such a fondness for cinnamon. wracked, wrung, wrong.

 

Phil's e-mail:

Email from emc2@metadex.net

Date: 11/5/03 20:02
Subject: freaked out!

Phil, I've tried to call you twice now and not gotten an answer. I saw the man again only this time he was at my house! I don't know what to do. He just showed up here. It was the same thing. I talked he just stood there. Why does he do that? He completely startled me and I didn't even say hello. Just "you again?" or something. He wouldn't tell me how he found out where I lived. He was responsible for those files. I told him that I figured them out, not that I did. I mean, I know what they say but who knows what they mean. Why'd I even tell him that, I don't even know if he put them there because he won't talk to me. I mean if he didn't put them there why would he care? I don't know. But if he didn't put them there, then who did? Then I just started babbling about the crazy tent. Which was stupid. I knew he wouldn't answer. So, of course I started asking him to talk and what he wanted from me. I think I even tried 20 questions at one point. All pointless because he's just there to freak me out! He says nothing and now he's at my house! Well he's not here now. I mean he left just as quickly as he showed up. Phil, What is going on? Who is he? Am I in danger? Should I be freaked out? I hope so, because I am. I wish you had been here. You'd save me from the scary freak, wouldn't you? Anyway, I'm more than a bit nervous. I hope that you call. I've got to get out of here. I think I'm going to go over to Kat's. I'll have my phone with me. Call. Please. I miss you. I don't know what's up, but I miss you.

 

Kat's e-mail:

Email from emc2@metadex.net

Date: 11/5/03 20:17
Subject: on my way

Hey there.

I'm just finishing up a few things here and then I'm on my way. I can't believe that freak showed up at my house! I suppose I should be scared. Well, I guess that I am a bit freaked out by it. I mean, he was at my house! Oh well. We'll not think about that. Oh, Phil may call me tonight. I wonder what is up with him. Maybe you can help solve that anomaly. See you in a bit.

 

from Beth's metadex, Nov 5:

<communication protocol="cg://ara9975.lka18383">
   <bootstrap interop="standard" value="true"/>
   <interware status="err259"/>
   <message type="response"/>
   <data>
      <a>
         <object ref="speaker" class="human"/>
      </a>
      <b>
         <object ref="self" class="construct"/>
      </b>
      <separation units="sdu" x="3.0" y="4.1" z="0.2"/>
      <result vis_range="true" recurrence_count="2"/>
   </data>
   <recognition data_retrieval="success" heuristic_image_parsing="success" image_matching="success" result="success"/>
</communication>

<communication protocol="cg://ara9975.lka18383">
   <bootstrap interop="standard" value="true"/>
   <interware status="err259"/>
   <message type="response"/>
   <data>
      <content>
         <object ref="querent" class="human">
            <property id="home_address" type="region_3d"/>
         </object>
      </content>
      <obtained>
         <from>
            <object ref="pda_program" class="construct"/>
         </from>
         <datetime type="local">
            <date day="31" month="10" year="2003"/>
            <time hour="17" minute="29" second="44"/>
         </datetime>
      </obtained>
   </data>
</communication>

<communication protocol="cg://ara9975.lka18383">
   <bootstrap interop="standard" value="true"/>
   <interware status="err259"/>
   <message type="response"/>
   <data>
      <object ref="datafile_collection" class="collection">
         <condition type="select">
            <property id="location" return_type="parent_object"/>
            <operator type="equals" value="pda_program"/>
         </condition>
         <result>
            <condition type="match">
               <property id="sender" return_type="object"/>
               <operator type="equals" value="self"/>
            </condition>
            <result value="true"/>
         </result>
      </object>
   </data>
   <response type="boolean" value="true"/>
</communication>

<communication protocol="cg://ara9975.lka18383">
   <bootstrap interop="standard" value="true"/>
   <interware status="err259"/>
   <message type="comment"/>
   <comment type="generic" subtype="congratulatory"/>
</communication>

<communication protocol="cg://ara9975.lka18383">
   <bootstrap interop="standard" value="true"/>
   <interware status="err259"/>
   <message type="response"/>
   <log filtered="true">
      <event type="system">
         <datetime>
            <date year="2003" month="10" day="31"/>
            <time hour="17" minute="27" second="51"/>
         </datetime>
         <diagnostic system="physics" subsystem="coll_det">
            <result status="corrupted"/>
         </diagnostic>
      </event>
      <event type="system">
         <datetime>
            <date year="2003" month="10" day="31"/>
            <time hour="17" minute="27" second="51"/>
         </datetime>
         <diagnostic system="visual" subsystem="clip">
            <result status="corrupted"/>
         </diagnostic>
      </event>
      <event type="system">
         <datetime>
            <date year="2003" month="10" day="31"/>
            <time hour="17" minute="31" second="01"/>
         </datetime>
         <process system="physics" subsystem="coll_det" action="reboot"/>
      </event>
      <event type="system">
         <datetime type="local">
            <date year="2003" month="10" day="31"/>
            <time hour="17" minute="31" second="02"/>
         </datetime>
         <process system="visual" subsystem="clip" action="reboot"/>
      </event>
   </log>
</communication>

<communication protocol="cg://ara9975.lka18383">
   <bootstrap interop="standard" value="true"/>
   <interware status="err259"/>
   <message type="response"/>
   <interop>
      <protocol_from type="cg" id="cg://ara9975.lka18383"/>
      <protocol_to type="nat_lang" name="eng" subclass="us"/>
      <status value="corrupted"/>
   </interop>
   <response type="boolean" value="false"/>
</communication>

<communication protocol="cg://ara9975.lka18383">
   <bootstrap interop="standard" value="true"/>
   <interware status="err259"/>
   <message type="response"/>
   <response type="request">
      <request_structure>
         <task type="repair">
            <object ref="self" class="construct"/>
            <error system="memory" subsystem="data_retrieval" status="corrupted"/>
         </task>
      </request_structure>
   </response>
</communication>

<communication protocol="cg://ara9975.lka18383">
   <bootstrap interop="standard" value="true"/>
   <interware status="err259"/>
   <message type="response"/>
   <datatype name="tmp_enum_1" type="enum">
      <member value="animal"/>
      <member value="vegetable"/>
      <member value="mineral"/>
   </datatype>
   <response type="tmp_enum_1" value="null"/>
</communication>

<communication protocol="cg://ara9975.lka18383">
   <bootstrap interop="standard" value="true"/>
   <interware status="err259"/>
   <message type="response"/>
   <test>
      <object ref="self" class="construct">
         <method id="has_value" return_type="boolean">
            <parameter value="real"/>
         </method>
      </object>
   </test>
   <response type="boolean">
      <range lower_bound="false" upper_bound="true"/>
   </response>
</communication>

<communication protocol="cg://ara9975.lka18383">
   <bootstrap interop="standard" value="true"/>
   <interware status="err259"/>
   <message type="comment"/>
   <data>
      <event type="personal">
         <datetime type="local">
            <date year="2003" month="11" day="5"/>
            <time hour="19" minute="12" second="42"/>
         </datetime>
         <notification system="sensory" subsystem="monitor">
            <message type="alert">
               <detection>
                  <subject class="search_program"/>
                  <eta estimation_method="trend_analysis" noise_filter="active" value="imminent"/>
               </detection>
            </message>
         </notification>
      </event>
      <action type="translocation">
         <translocation>
            <vector type="classified" parameters="classified"/>
            <method id="classified"/>
         </translocation>
      </action>
   </data>
</communication>

 

paintover.net:

http://paintover.net/wristwatch/not.*

not.jpg
Caesar

 

III, i, and I'm still here.

It pisses me off to think that I was going to fall for it - that I was going to let some doubt and fear overshadow the amazing things we've managed to do here over the past several weeks. I worked hard, man, and for what? For you all to bail on me?

I don't think so. I took a little trip, and I think it's quite clear, I was right all along. We saw something, something undeniably related to the whomp on our computers. We sat on our butts, people. We allowed this data to overwhelm us and we never really questioned it. We just sat back and said, "Pass the remote, dude."

Out there, in the open air and away from the hum of the fan, or the whirr of the processor, Random and I saw things you'd never expect, except on Ripley's Believe It or Not. 

I'm back, and don't you forget it. I am not intimidated, I am not scared, and I don't really care if you stick around for the ride or not, any more. You all had your chances, and while I think it's stupid that your skills are going to waste with the scripting you'll most likely go back to now that you've left this project hanging, I am not going to hang onto the hope at this point.

If anything, I'll share a little. If it helps. So WHAT if you don't trust me? Random's golden, and he saw the same things I saw?

Are you on board, or not?

 

 

 

not2.jpg

Caesar

 

Why "caesar"? Well, probably not for the reasons you'd expect. 

It takes a unique freak to be a real pop culture junkie. On today's 'net, any jerko can slavishly track the progress of the latest Tarantino flick on $movie_portal_website or debate the merits of the $elves_and_orcs_ahoy trilogy in exhaustive, mind-numbing, spec-wallowing detail on some fanboy forum somewhere. This is all well and good, and there are definitely hipster silent bob type wannabes who would leech off of the realtime adulation of their fans and who are secretly checking the boards for anything the reviews didn't say. And yeah, that works for some, but not for everybody. I was looking for something.....I dunno....purer. 

See, I got bored with what modern film had to offer a little while ago. So I decided to go back through the years, a decade at a time, and see what came BEFORE everyone started spending all their time focussing on the cash cow of Hollywood and what cinematographer did what - basically, when people just went to the movies to see a story, and to be entertained. And what I found, instead of this constant parade of meta-archetypes that are full of irony and self-consciousness, were several generations of real, genuine, natural badasses. Celluloid men for whom self-confidence came naturally because they KNEW that the world would be out there staring at them, not because their publicists and agents TOLD them so to pump up their ego. 

In the 1970's, I found Fred Williamson. The Godfather of Harlem. Pure swagger. 

In the 1950's, an embarrassment of riches. Sure, no one remembers Harold Tasker or Louis Calhern today, but look at their supporting casts! Icons all: Brando. Gielgud. Jimmy Mason. Heston (although I got SOMETHING I'd like to pry outta his cold dead fingers....) 

In the 1930's, the mother lode: Edward G. Robinson. This guy resonated with me so hard it hurt. Little guy, pissed on by society, won't roll over but decides he's gonna play tough anyway. Just squirrelly little Emanuel Goldenberg, up there against the rest of the world. "Mother of mercy...is this the end of Rico?" The gangster is the perfect blueprint for today's 'net cowboy. 

They don't make 'em like Robinson anymore. Name me one modern actor that has that blend of thuggish panache and pure stubbornness. Well, maybe Pantoliano. Which, now that I think of it, he was a Caesar too, once, wasn't he?

 

 

 

not3.jpg

Caesar

 

Too many years of scanning network backbones by the glow of my monitor. Too many late night pizza feasts, becoming the poster child for poor diet. It’s too much trouble, but when there’s nothing else in the house, coffee blacker than the blackness of my screen. Too much working myself right up to the edge of that adrenaline rush, finding one last neglected port to worm into. Eventually it caught up with me. Yeah yeah, I know they say it's genetics, but I can't help feeling like I'm paying for living a normal teenage life. 

I don't remember the first time, but I remember the ugliest. I was four hours into a marathon session of Half-Life on the 'Gamex - SO much cooler, btw, when you play it with the mod chip installed - and the next thing I knew, I was on the floor. She had her arms locked tight around me and was screaming something in my face. "STOP IT! STOP IT! PLEASE!" It was a grand mal, lucky I hadn't bitten my tongue or gouged my face on the side of the coffee table going down or something, and it's not like the two of them hadn't seen it a million times before. But it had been getting better - hell, I had been on the Dilantin for something like six months by that point which was doing NOTHING to help my acne - and I guess the 'rents never expected to see another seizure that bad. 

I was laid up for five straight days. Treated like a king, they waited on me hand and foot while I laid in bed and sipped juice and avoided strobing monitors and tried not to look pathetic. All the time, I was just itching to get back online. 1337 h4x0rs have to stay wired, or our batteries run down. Scratch was just itching to give me shit for time spent off the grid, totally. 

Monday I played catchup to see that my firewall had taken a solid pounding while I was playing sad little invalid. I figured, okay, what goes around comes around. The urchins probably wanted to see what the hell I was keeping on MY root for a change, and were keeping themselves busy this whole time. Little did they know that instead of the thousands of game keys and ripped .mp3s and porn archives they might expect, all they would have found was a bunch of diagrams and Metapoint slideshows for my Civil War Gettysburg battle recreation project. 

Outflank. Rush. Retreat. It's like chess or football.....some people don’t get this game, but it’s fascinating to me. Lose the battle, win the war. 

Anyway, so I scanned the attack logs on the firewall. Much to my surprise, instead of the usual sneering from Scratch and 1337 attitudes from the rest, all I saw were the closest thing you could ever get to warm fuzzies from people you would prolly never meet in fleshspace. "come back come back five and dime whatever, C!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!", said one from mello (ha ha, I am poor diet poster child, he is Ritalin poster child), " urchins are lost without you!!!!!!!!!! BACK BACK BACK NOW NOW!!" 

Someday I will be ruler of the world, and I will outlaw exclamation point keys on keyboards. But at that second, plugging back in, I knew I was home again. 

And it felt okay. 

 

Aquapolis incidentlog, Nov 6:

SafeSys Incident Log
2003.11.06-Autolog begin 03:11:09
03:11:09-rec/fire/delta/tinos/0053
03:11:09-send/initalrm/delta/tinos
03:11:09-send/fson/delta/tinos/0053
03:11:09-rec/fserror/delta/tinos/0053
03:11:09-send/query/fsstatus/system
03:11:10-send/initalarm/system
03:11:10-send/initalarm/global
03:11:12-send/bulkheadclose/delta/tinos/A
03:11:12-send/bulkheadclose/delta/tinos/B
03:11:15-rec/fsstatus/system/000psi
03:11:18-rec/bulkheadclosed/delta/tinos/A
03:11:18-rec/bulkheadclosed/delta/tinos/B
03:11:45-rec/fire/delta/tinos/0054
03:11:45-send/fson/delta/tinos/0054
03:11:46-rec/fserror/delta/tinos/0054
03:12:09-rec/fire/delta/tinos/0055
03:12:09-send/fson/delta/tinos/0055
03:12:09-rec/fserror/delta/tinos/0055
03:12:49-rec/fire/delta/tinos/0052
03:12:49-send/fson/delta/tinos/0052
03:12:49-rec/fserror/delta/tinos/0052
03:13:31-rec/fire/delta/tinos/0056
03:13:31-rec/fire/delta/tinos/0051
03:13:31-send/fson/delta/tinos/0056
03:13:31-send/fson/delta/tinos/0051
03:13:31-rec/fserror/delta/tinos/0056
03:13:31-rec/fserror/delta/tinos/0051
03:13:34-send/query/delta/tinos/C
03:13:34-send/query/delta/tinos/D
03:13:36-rec/bulkheadclosed/delta/tinos/C
03:13:36-rec/bulkheadopen/delta/tinos/D
03:13:58-rec/fire/delta/tinos/0057
03:13:58-rec/fire/delta/tinos/0050
03:13:58-send/fson/delta/tinos/0057
03:13:58-send/fson/delta/tinos/0050
03:13:58-rec/fserror/delta/tinos/0057
03:13:58-rec/fserror/delta/tinos/0050
03:14:02-send/bulkheadopen/delta/tinos/A
03:14:02-send/safetyoverride/delta/tinos/C
03:14:02-send/safetyoverride/delta/tinos/D
03:14:03-send/safetyoverride/breach
03:14:04-send/bulkheadopen/delta/tinos/C
03:14:08-rec/bulkheadopen/delta/tinos/A
03:14:12-rec/manualoverride/delta/tinos/A
03:14:12-send/deny/delta/tinos/A
03:14:14-rec/bulkheadopen/delta/tinos/C
03:14:15-rec/breach/subpen/tinos/0001
03:14:15-rec/breach/subpen/tinos/0002
03:14:15-rec/breach/subpen/tinos/0003
03:14:15-rec/breach/subpen/tinos/0004
03:14:15-rec/breach/subpen/tinos/0005
03:14:15-rec/breach/subpen/tinos/0006
03:14:15-rec/breach/subpen/tinos/0007
03:14:15-rec/breach/subpen/tinos/0008
03:14:16-rec/manualoverride/delta/tinos/A
03:14:16-send/deny/delta/tinos/A
03:14:16-rec/breach/subpen/tinos/0008
03:14:16-rec/breach/subpen/tinos/0009
03:14:16-rec/breach/subpen/tinos/0010
03:14:16-rec/breach/subpen/tinos/0011
03:14:16-rec/breach/subpen/tinos/0012
03:14:17-send/systemcheck/delta/tinos
03:14:17-rec/breach/subpen/tinos/0013
03:14:17-rec/breach/subpen/tinos/0014
03:14:17-rec/breach/subpen/tinos/0015
03:14:17-rec/breach/subpen/tinos/0016
03:14:17-rec/breach/subpen/tinos/0017
03:14:17-rec/breach/subpen/tinos/0018
03:14:17-rec/breach/subpen/tinos/0019
03:14:18-rec/breach/subpen/tinos/0020
03:14:18-rec/breach/subpen/tinos/0021
03:14:18-rec/breach/subpen/tinos/0022
03:14:18-rec/breach/subpen/tinos/0023
03:14:18-rec/fire/delta/0050
03:14:18-rec/fire/delta/0051
03:14:18-rec/breach/subpen/tinos/0021
03:14:18-rec/breach/subpen/tinos/0022
03:14:18-rec/fire/delta/0052
03:14:18-rec/breach/subpen/tinos/0023
03:14:18-rec/breach/subpen/tinos/0024
03:14:18-rec/breach/subpen/tinos/0025
03:14:18-rec/fire/delta/0053
03:14:18-rec/breach/subpen/tinos/0026
03:14:18-rec/breach/subpen/tinos/0027
03:14:18-rec/fire/delta/0054
03:14:18-rec/breach/subpen/tinos/0028
03:14:18-rec/breach/subpen/tinos/0029
03:14:18-rec/fire/delta/0055
03:14:18-rec/fire/delta/0056
03:14:18-rec/fire/delta/0057
03:14:19-rec/breach/subpen/tinos/0030
03:14:19-rec/breach/subpen/tinos/0031
03:14:19-rec/breach/subpen/tinos/0032
03:14:19-rec/breach/subpen/tinos/0033
03:14:20-rec/breach/delta/tinos/0042
03:14:20-rec/breach/delta/tinos/0043
03:14:20-rec/breach/delta/tinos/0044
03:14:20-rec/breach/delta/tinos/0045
03:14:20-rec/breach/subpen/tinos/0034
03:14:20-rec/breach/subpen/tinos/0035
03:14:21-rec/breach/subpen/tinos/0036
03:14:21-rec/breach/subpen/tinos/0037
03:14:21-rec/breach/subpen/tinos/0038
03:14:21-rec/breach/subpen/tinos/0039
03:14:21-rec/breach/delta/tinos/0040
03:14:21-rec/breach/delta/tinos/0041
03:14:22-rec/manualoverride/delta/tinos/C
03:14:22-send/deny/delta/tinos/C
03:14:23-rec/breach/delta/tinos/0046
03:14:23-rec/breach/delta/tinos/0047
03:14:23-rec/breach/delta/tinos/0048
03:14:23-rec/breach/delta/tinos/0049
03:14:23-rec/breach/delta/tinos/0050
03:14:24-send/systemcheck/delta/tinos
03:14:24-rec/fire/delta/0050
03:14:24-rec/fire/delta/0051
03:14:24-rec/fire/delta/0052
03:14:24-rec/fire/delta/0053
03:14:25-rec/breach/delta/tinos/0056
03:14:25-rec/breach/delta/tinos/0054
03:14:25-rec/breach/delta/tinos/0053
03:14:25-rec/breach/delta/tinos/0051
03:14:25-rec/breach/delta/tinos/0055
03:14:25-rec/breach/delta/tinos/0057
03:14:26-rec/breach/delta/tinos/0058
03:14:26-rec/breach/delta/tinos/0059
03:14:27-rec/breach/delta/tinos/0060
03:14:27-rec/breach/delta/tinos/0061
03:14:29-rec/breach/delta/tinos/0062
03:14:29-rec/breach/delta/tinos/0065
03:14:29-rec/breach/delta/tinos/0064
03:14:29-rec/breach/delta/tinos/0063
03:14:33-rec/breach/delta/tinos/0066
03:14:33-rec/breach/delta/tinos/0067
03:14:33-rec/breach/delta/tinos/0069
03:14:33-rec/breach/delta/tinos/0068
03:14:34-rec/breach/delta/tinos/0070
03:14:35-rec/manualoverride/delta/tinos/C
03:14:35-send/deny/delta/tinos/C
03:14:36-rec/breach/delta/tinos/0075
03:14:36-rec/breach/delta/tinos/0073
03:14:36-rec/breach/delta/tinos/0071
03:14:36-rec/breach/delta/tinos/0072
03:14:39-send/systemcheck/delta/tinos
03:14:40-rec/systemsecure/delta/tinos
03:14:41-send/systemcheck/alpha
03:14:41-rec/systemsecure/alpha
03:14:41-send/systemcheck/beta
03:14:41-rec/systemsecure/beta
03:14:41-send/systemcheck/gamma
03:14:41-rec/systemsecure/gamma
03:14:41-send/systemcheck/delta
03:14:41-rec/systemsecure/delta
03:14:49-rec/manualoverride/delta/tinos/A
03:14:50-send/offline/delta/tinos/A
03:15:12-send/systemcheck/global
03:15:12-rec/systemsecure/global
03:16:15-send/initialize/delta/tinos/A
03:16:15-rec/online/delta/tinos/A
03:16:15-send/query/delta/tinos/A
03:16:16-rec/bulkheadclosed/delta/tinos/A
03:16:17-send/epumpson/delta/tinos
03:16:17-send/epumpson/subpen/tinos
03:16:17-send/pressurize/delta/tinos
03:16:17-send/pressurize/subpen/tinos
03:16:17-query/pressure/delta/tinos
03:16:17-query/pressure/subpen/tinos
03:16:17-rec/pressure/delta/tinos/2%
03:16:17-rec/pressure/subpen/tinos/2%
03:16:18-rec/epumpson/delta/tinos
03:16:18-rec/epumpson/subpen/tinos
03:16:27-query/pressure/delta/tinos
03:16:27-query/pressure/subpen/tinos
03:16:27-rec/pressure/delta/tinos/10
03:16:27-rec/pressure/subpen/tinos/10
03:16:37-query/pressure/delta/tinos
03:16:37-query/pressure/subpen/tinos
03:16:37-rec/pressure/delta/tinos/22
03:16:37-rec/pressure/subpen/tinos/22
03:16:47-query/pressure/delta/tinos
03:16:47-query/pressure/subpen/tinos
03:16:47-rec/pressure/delta/tinos/35
03:16:47-rec/pressure/subpen/tinos/35
03:16:57-query/pressure/delta/tinos
03:16:57-query/pressure/subpen/tinos
03:16:57-rec/pressure/delta/tinos/50
03:16:57-rec/pressure/subpen/tinos/45
03:17:07-query/pressure/delta/tinos
03:17:07-query/pressure/subpen/tinos
03:17:07-rec/pressure/delta/tinos/65
03:17:07-rec/pressure/subpen/tinos/57
03:17:17-query/pressure/delta/tinos
03:17:17-query/pressure/subpen/tinos
03:17:17-rec/pressure/delta/tinos/81
03:17:17-rec/pressure/subpen/tinos/66
03:17:27-query/pressure/delta/tinos
03:17:27-query/pressure/subpen/tinos
03:17:27-rec/pressure/delta/tinos/93
03:17:27-rec/pressure/subpen/tinos/75
03:17:37-query/pressure/delta/tinos
03:17:37-query/pressure/subpen/tinos
03:17:37-rec/pressure/delta/tinos/nominal
03:17:37-rec/pressure/subpen/tinos/85
03:17:37-send/bulkheadclose/delta/tinos/C
03:17:43-rec/bulkheadclosed/delta/tinos/C
03:17:44-send/maintpress/delta/tinos
03:17:44-send/epumpsoff/delta/tinos
03:17:45-rec/epumpsoff/delta/tinos
03:17:46-send/bulkheadopen/delta/tinos/A
03:17:46-send/bulkheadopen/delta/tinos/B
03:17:47-query/pressure/subpen/tinos
03:17:47-rec/pressure/subpen/tinos/92
03:17:52-rec/bulkheadopen/delta/tinos/A
03:17:52-rec/bulkheadopen/delta/tinos/B
03:17:57-query/pressure/subpen/tinos
03:17:57-rec/pressure/subpen/tinos/nominal
03:17:58-send/epumpsoff/subpen/tinos
03:17:59-rec/epumpsoff/subpen/tinos
03:18:01-send/maintpress/subpen/tinos
2003.11.06-Autolog end 03:18:01
Event Duration-00:06:52

 

e-mail from Beth to her mailing list, "Home again, Home again," Nov 6, 4:08

Well, here I am back in Redland safe and sound. I had a great trip that left me glad to be home and yet wishing I wasn't.

It's always sad when you return to work after some time off and the place hasn't fallen apart without you there to hold it together. When you are just always there, it's easy to delude yourself into believing that the company just couldn't do without you. After a week away, it seems that aside from a slew of emails nobody noticed that I was away. Granted my boss was thrilled to see me walk in the door on Monday morning, but I'm not sure if that was because of my work or because he was worried about me.

Perhaps I just miss the days of old. Ran into an old friend from my little stint in Switzerland yesterday that triggered memories of days and friends gone by. It completely surprised me when I saw him walking down the hall. I almost didn't recognize him with the stern all-business look. Dim was always the energy of the room and his laughter could be heard down the street. To see him so rigid, so professional, just highlighted the changes that have taken place. The last time I saw him was when he took James and I to the airport for our return to the states. We stopped at a little café and had so much fun that we missed our flight. I miss those days. There was just so much hope and faith in the future and what it held. We were a team, a strong team. While nothing would fall apart if you took a week's vacation, your absence was felt and you knew you were missed.

There was a bit of odd news on my return which also may have something to do with it. A new coworker was named employee of the month. While I'm happy for her, it just struck me as odd. Not only is she new to the company, she's from my department and I'm not even all that sure of what she does for us. She's in the department, and she shows up for departmental meetings, but she doesn't seem to have any of the typical responsibilities. It just all seems out of place and I'm not sure what to make of it. Why her? Why our department (again!)? She is a great girl and has become someone that I can count on. But that's socially, not professionally. An employee of the month should be someone that represents the company in an outstanding fashion. She just does not, at least as far as I can tell.

Speaking of her, she was a fantastic help while I was away. Not only did she watch over my place, she welcomed my dog into her home. Laika almost didn't seem happy to see me! I had to call her twice before she came bounding into arms. Next time maybe I should board her. At least then I can't even get out the first syllable before she attacks me. The home was all in one piece, mail piled neatly on my desk. Heck, if I didn't know better, I'd think she even straightened up a bit for me.

I'm glad to be home, though I do wish that I was still away from everything. It was nice to be able to think about things without any distractions. Now I'm home and I'm still as confused as ever and even a bit scared. 

I suppose that I just wish that I was still away from here and in the heart of everything else. It was an amazing vacation and I finally experienced my first "anomaly". I'm not completely sure of what all happened, though it was definitely something. I'll upload my notes to my archives as soon as I get a moment to get them all in order. Part of me is convinced that this is a hoax or some massive joke on me. If any of you are in on it, please let me know. I'm a bit spooked, I'll admit it and we can all move on.

There is definitely evidence that this is a hoax. In both Alabama and Washington, a man was present for the events. However, I cannot for the life of me figure out how he could have done the things. Sure, a few can be explained as illusions, but they were so real. Others cannot be explained at all. Yet if he wasn't behind them, why was he there?

I did not experience the event in AL, yet I was right in the center of it in WA. It started when a few bats flew through a tree like it was the night sky. That startled me and I fell through my tent and wound up with half my body in the tent and half of it out of the tent. It was as real as anything else that I've seen or experienced, but I suppose it could have been some crazy trick. What gets me the most is my PDA. I asked the man a few questions and he didn't respond. Yet when I went to write some notes, there were new files on the PDA; files that I did not put there. Ok, he could have put them there. Wireless connection and all of that. However, the files turned out to be the answers to the questions that I asked him in XML. I did not see him with a PDA or any device. I did not see him type. So, how did that happen? Was there someone else involved? How could it have happened so quickly?

I have since seen this man on several occasions. He's always at a great distance, but he's there. So, I begin to wonder if I have a stalker. It's very possible. Heck, I tell all of you virtual strangers quite a bit about me. I suppose it wouldn't be hard to find out more. Yet, he's always at a distance and so I've not been too worried. However, tonight he showed up at my home. He knows where I live and this time he was rather close to me. That's troubling. Again he wouldn't answer my questions. When he left, I checked my PDA. And there they were, his responses. Now seriously, if this is one of you, stop it. I bought into it. Cool little hoax. Well done. I want to know your secrets....how did you do it! If it's not one of you, who or what is it? What does it mean?

Well, I've rambled on long enough and I'm late to go pick up Kat. Hopefully a good movie will help me get my mind off of this.

Beth 

 

November 06, 2003

ethan.thenekodas.com

Preoccupied

Wow, it's been so hard to concentrate today. My mind is just reeling, and I keep finding it hard to focus, which hasn't been good.

The good ol' left-brain keeps telling me how there must be some reasonable (reality-based) explanation for everything, but I can't seem to deny the obvious conclusion that all of this good hard evidence seems to be pointing us to. An entire literal former life, job, family. That's so crazy, yet there it is, staring us in the face. Plus the fact that, if you accept that hypothesis, so many things start making sense.

I can't say I've had a flood of memories start coming back. I almost wish I had. It's more of a vague sense of dim familiarities. I keep telling myself these are other peoples' lives, belongings, and yet I'm forced to consider our undeniable handwriting on a wedding certificate that's not even ours!

What does all this mean? Who were we? What happened to us, and why?? Who did this? What of the memories I do have? What was real, what was illusion?

One thing is becoming increasingly clear: To find out, we must find and talk to those who apparently knew us as Ryan and Silvie. Especially the boy.......our son?

I think I'm losing my mind.

Posted by Ethan at 08:36 PM

 

November 07, 2003

ethan.thenekodas.com

cold

I was going to post directly from Cyberia, but I'm still shaking, and I felt like staying in that place one second longer would be more than I could bear.

My hands are so cold right now. This cold snap and the adrenalin coursing through me right now have me fighting the shakes. Ugh.

I was madly curious if there were a CD here in the city, so I went ahead and checked it out without you. I parked in the lot across the street, and it seemed a lifetime that I waited first on the sidewalk, and then at the median for all the cars to flood by, so I could cross. The warm smells of the elotes carts wafted over - chili powder, steamed corn, sweet smell of shaved ice flavorings, mixed together and carried in the damp, cold air.

Inside this little hole in the wall internet cafe, it was warm and inviting and somewhat cramped. There was a woman at one terminal jotting notes and kicking up her feet in one of the comfy chairs as she transmitted data via her laptop. Another couple of young men were scrolling through shows at the Double Door at one of the cafe's computers.

The place was too small to go looking for any sort of hidden spot - so I bucked up all my courage and asked the guy that was there if there was any sort of package for 'Emerson.'

"Nope," he smiled, "Someone already got it. So sorry."

"What?? When??" I managed to squeak out. Reminder to self, jaw hitting floor decidedly unsexy.

"I dunno, but I think one of our other staff members handed it off just a couple of hours ago."

Stunned, but unsure of how to handle this ... disappointment? vertigo? in a public location, I ordered some herbal tea, sipped at it for a few minutes as I perched on a chair, and then thanked the man and headed back across the street to the car, the purple awning one of the only truly colorful spots in my line of vision.

I came home.

A couple of hours ago, someone came into that cafe, and asked for the very thing that was specifically for us to find. I don't know what's going on here, but I am not sure I feel very safe right now. It doesn't feel safe for either of us. How could someone have known about the information we were looking for? Why would they take something that was not meant for their eyes?

Who knows about this? Why do they want this information?

I can't stop shaking.

I am looking over the files you sent me, and I wonder if it would've been the same files at Cyberia, or perhaps something different. An explanation for all of this, a justification for the confusion and fear I am feeling in my heart.

The photo of the boy is the one I stay with the most. That's our boy, Ethan. I can feel it as surely in my heart as my music - he is bound to us much as we are bound to him. The promise of love and care is one that cannot be made lightly. When I look at his photo, I see the same eyes I saw in my dreams - he's brushing past me downtown where everyone around me is dressed in opera wear, he's the one holding my hand in the slate grey darkness of nothingness and loss.

He is mine, and he knows me, through and through. We have been through things together, he and I. He is my wonder and my joy, and right now, he is my sorrow. Where is he, love? Why are we here now, in this place, with no recollection in our lives of this most important aspect? How in the hell did we get Here, when There is a place that doesn't even connect up with our present day? Who did this to us, and why?

I can hardly believe it myself. I look at the documents, and they feel right. And yet, something is very wrong about this. Somehow I refuse to believe we had anything to do with this, that we somehow orchestrated a major upheaval like this. But it looks like we did. And it also looks like someone else knows. I am never going back to that cafe - someone could be watching, you know?

Tomorrow won't get here soon enough, Ethan. You'll be here, and then everything will be at least OK on the surface. We'll have each other.

Posted by Dina at 05:20 PM

 

November 08, 2003

dina.thenekodas.com

bored-ish

Just found out Fiona's going to be at a seminar, and so won't be able to post the Leiphe Lessons this week. Foo. It's not like they're all that involved or complicated, but I do really enjoy working on them when the sleep won't come, and then after a few days, putting them out there.

Have a good seminar, Fiona! Looking forward to your return to the lessons, of course. :)

Posted by Dina at 12:07 PM

 

eye o' storm

Calmer now, in general. All the upheaval behind the scenery of my life seems to be, well, not settling, exactly, but fitting into place.

Even chaos has its own niche and home in everyone's lives, you know?

Besides, a bit of cabin fever never really hurt anyone ...


np: Poor Skeleton Steps Out, xtc

Posted by Dina at 12:10 PM

 

paintover.net:

decrypted:

10:30 - testing (loading cryptoscript for secure transmission) 

10:44 - caesar, i'm here outside elmview ga. definitely a whomp, but somehow skewed. circumference is not as wide as expected, epicenter seems extremely unstable at outset. also seems two hours early. 

10:55 - things are repeating. feeling of inertia. saw an echo shadow of self approaching the site. i can see myself sending the test post to paintover. so weird! i am calm despite this. whoah, that building is no longer a single-story brick - it's glass and steel and at least 20 stories. i can't believe my eyes. 

11:15 - something's not right here. duration and execution of whomp is not happening as a chaotic outward ripple from epicenter - there is a systematic and organized ... rebooting of the area around me. some things are changing, others remain untouched. it is currently quite easy to side step the changes. wish had more data-collecting ability than currently. to the naked eye whomp is less anomaly, more automated. 

11:33 - crapola. things are escalating. cannot find way out. my echo is gone, and I am fine, or maybe the other way round. running, but whatever is effecting the area is moving faster. feeling caged, harder to dodge. 

11:39 - wind, rain, bright sun. hard to see. caesar, can't do much now. never should have come. will try to upload addtl data if can 

11:43 - sweep no more SOS hurt in g_ 
    

    

November 09, 2003

dina.thenekodas.com

Dina Lessons

1. So how does it feel to have your entire life perspective turned completely inside out and all garish like when your friends in school used to be all, "Look at this!" and they'd turn their eyelid inside out and you'd be all, "ew!!!"

Well, I think I am handling it well, under the circumstances. I am impatient. I feel like something is expected of me, and I don't like that. I like to feel in control of my life, but apparently, that's not really the case. The universe can bite me.

2. Give us an example of something cool your kid has done lately.

Oh, gee, let me go rummaging through this pile of mail, his report card just came the other day! *sigh*

3. Your house is burning. What do you rescue from it, and why?

Let it burn. Let it all burn. This is not my beautiful house.

4. What do you want most from today?

I want to be able to have my boy come home and greet me with a grudging teenaged hug. I want to know that he's not lying in a ditch somewhere. I want Ethan and I to pick out gifts for Jesse's birthday, and I want to know who that girl is, and if she's sweet, and if she is responsible and caring enough for my kid. I want more than anything to know that he's OK and that he knows I love him.

I want to shrug off this plastic life I've apparently given myself. Why am I here? I want to know why. I want to shake the person who did this by the shoulders and demand a reason, and retribution. I want my old life back. I don't care how terrible it may have been, it's still the life that I had CREATED, for MYSELF. I chose to live the way I did, and I chose to have a child, and just LOOK at him, will you? I want to know why I am being denied, why I am living here, what the hell this all MEANS.

I want to pummel the Fates for making me doubt my will. Pummel them until they're dust.

 

OK, that got maudlin rather quickly.

Posted by Dina at 05:03 AM

 

paintover.net:

November 10, 2003

hm. consider me another hand, k? i'm on it, see what i can find ...

Posted by bounce at 01:39 PM | Comments (12)

 

November 10, 2003

dina.thenekodas.com

bisy

I have been a flurry of activity.

The journey is in front of me.


What is the first step?

Posted by Dina at 09:33 PM

 

paintover.net:

November 10, 2003

 

well, hello!

it's me.

ow.

Posted by texel at 09:44 PM | Comments (2)

 

more

i'm resting up, currently. i'm fine.

i shouldn't be fine, considering what happened, but you know, what's a broken ankle when you've just survived your very first in-person whomp?

by all rights, i should be dead, and all i can say is, how thankful am i that that thin