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<communication protocol="cg://ara9975.lka18383">
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<communication protocol="cg://ara9975.lka18383">
   <bootstrap interop="standard" value="true"/>
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         <property id="mind" type="unknown"/>
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      <status value="not_found"/>
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   <response type="boolean" value="true" confidence="0.6"/>
</communication>

November 01, 2003

ethan.thenekodas.com

Matinee Idol

Honey, please be careful.

I trust in your instincts, though. It's one of the things I adore the most about you. You get people - it's as if you have some innate ability to separate the meat from the gristle when it comes to personalities.

I think that's part of what makes your trips so hard right now. I wish you could just sit with me, quietly, in our living room, and you could tell me why these nights plague me so.

Mmm, tell me all about the movie when you call. If you must communicate with this Todd guy, please, do stay in public areas. I find that I am really intrigued - the sleep-deprived brain in my head feels like an outsider. It's some fantastic story, some movie-of-the-week, but it's happening to us.

Anyway, love you, baby.

In shock

Dina,

I went down to the High Flyer Bar tonight. I went in, went to the bar and sat down. Nice place, good view, upscale clientele. Seemed like a pretty normal place, so I started to relax a little.

I didn't see anybody I knew, and while I was wondering what to do, the bartender comes up to me. That's when things got weird. He smiled and asked me if I'd like 'the usual.' The usual???

I asked him if he knew me, and he said sure I do, you used to come in here all the time. He then gave me a Mack and Jack's, on the house. It was good, heheh.

I was pretty sure that it was becoming apparent that someone's running around out there who's my twin, so I asked the bartender (Mike) who he thought I was.

He looked a little unsure of himself at that point, and said he didn't quite know what I wanted him to do or say. Me? I have no clue! Then he said he'd just better play it safe and give me something, then whatever happens would be in my hands.

He pulled out an envelope from behind the cash register. It's at this point that I'm not sure how to go on about this. The only thing I can think of to do is to put up a picture of what was inside for you to see, because I need you to verify something for me.

Is this my handwriting????

Posted by Ethan at 11:39 PM

November 02, 2003

ethan.thenekodas.com

November 02, 2003

dina.thenekodas.com

November 02, 2003

ethan.thenekodas.com

Sleepless in...no, I won't

OK, sorry but it's true. This thing kept me up all night last night.

Don't do anything until I get home, then we'll figure out what, if anything, we should do from here. I'll be home tomorrow on 938, unless you hear otherwise.

See you soon....finally!

November 03, 2003

dina.thenekodas.com

November 04, 2003

dina.thenekodas.com

November 05, 2003

dina.thenekodas.com

i'm holding on.

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<communication protocol="cg://ara9975.lka18383">
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      </event>
      <event type="system">
         <datetime type="local">
            <date year="2003" month="10" day="31"/>
            <time hour="17" minute="31" second="02"/>
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         <process system="visual" subsystem="clip" action="reboot"/>
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<communication protocol="cg://ara9975.lka18383">
   <bootstrap interop="standard" value="true"/>
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      <protocol_from type="cg" id="cg://ara9975.lka18383"/>
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not.jpg
Caesar

III, i, and I'm still here.

It pisses me off to think that I was going to fall for it - that I was going to let some doubt and fear overshadow the amazing things we've managed to do here over the past several weeks. I worked hard, man, and for what? For you all to bail on me?

I don't think so. I took a little trip, and I think it's quite clear, I was right all along. We saw something, something undeniably related to the whomp on our computers. We sat on our butts, people. We allowed this data to overwhelm us and we never really questioned it. We just sat back and said, "Pass the remote, dude."

Out there, in the open air and away from the hum of the fan, or the whirr of the processor, Random and I saw things you'd never expect, except on Ripley's Believe It or Not. 

I'm back, and don't you forget it. I am not intimidated, I am not scared, and I don't really care if you stick around for the ride or not, any more. You all had your chances, and while I think it's stupid that your skills are going to waste with the scripting you'll most likely go back to now that you've left this project hanging, I am not going to hang onto the hope at this point.

If anything, I'll share a little. If it helps. So WHAT if you don't trust me? Random's golden, and he saw the same things I saw?

Are you on board, or not?

not2.jpg

Caesar

Why "caesar"? Well, probably not for the reasons you'd expect. 

It takes a unique freak to be a real pop culture junkie. On today's 'net, any jerko can slavishly track the progress of the latest Tarantino flick on $movie_portal_website or debate the merits of the $elves_and_orcs_ahoy trilogy in exhaustive, mind-numbing, spec-wallowing detail on some fanboy forum somewhere. This is all well and good, and there are definitely hipster silent bob type wannabes who would leech off of the realtime adulation of their fans and who are secretly checking the boards for anything the reviews didn't say. And yeah, that works for some, but not for everybody. I was looking for something.....I dunno....purer. 

See, I got bored with what modern film had to offer a little while ago. So I decided to go back through the years, a decade at a time, and see what came BEFORE everyone started spending all their time focussing on the cash cow of Hollywood and what cinematographer did what - basically, when people just went to the movies to see a story, and to be entertained. And what I found, instead of this constant parade of meta-archetypes that are full of irony and self-consciousness, were several generations of real, genuine, natural badasses. Celluloid men for whom self-confidence came naturally because they KNEW that the world would be out there staring at them, not because their publicists and agents TOLD them so to pump up their ego. 

In the 1970's, I found Fred Williamson. The Godfather of Harlem. Pure swagger. 

In the 1950's, an embarrassment of riches. Sure, no one remembers Harold Tasker or Louis Calhern today, but look at their supporting casts! Icons all: Brando. Gielgud. Jimmy Mason. Heston (although I got SOMETHING I'd like to pry outta his cold dead fingers....) 

In the 1930's, the mother lode: Edward G. Robinson. This guy resonated with me so hard it hurt. Little guy, pissed on by society, won't roll over but decides he's gonna play tough anyway. Just squirrelly little Emanuel Goldenberg, up there against the rest of the world. "Mother of mercy...is this the end of Rico?" The gangster is the perfect blueprint for today's 'net cowboy. 

They don't make 'em like Robinson anymore. Name me one modern actor that has that blend of thuggish panache and pure stubbornness. Well, maybe Pantoliano. Which, now that I think of it, he was a Caesar too, once, wasn't he?

not3.jpg

Caesar

Too many years of scanning network backbones by the glow of my monitor. Too many late night pizza feasts, becoming the poster child for poor diet. It’s too much trouble, but when there’s nothing else in the house, coffee blacker than the blackness of my screen. Too much working myself right up to the edge of that adrenaline rush, finding one last neglected port to worm into. Eventually it caught up with me. Yeah yeah, I know they say it's genetics, but I can't help feeling like I'm paying for living a normal teenage life. 

I don't remember the first time, but I remember the ugliest. I was four hours into a marathon session of Half-Life on the 'Gamex - SO much cooler, btw, when you play it with the mod chip installed - and the next thing I knew, I was on the floor. She had her arms locked tight around me and was screaming something in my face. "STOP IT! STOP IT! PLEASE!" It was a grand mal, lucky I hadn't bitten my tongue or gouged my face on the side of the coffee table going down or something, and it's not like the two of them hadn't seen it a million times before. But it had been getting better - hell, I had been on the Dilantin for something like six months by that point which was doing NOTHING to help my acne - and I guess the 'rents never expected to see another seizure that bad. 

I was laid up for five straight days. Treated like a king, they waited on me hand and foot while I laid in bed and sipped juice and avoided strobing monitors and tried not to look pathetic. All the time, I was just itching to get back online. 1337 h4x0rs have to stay wired, or our batteries run down. Scratch was just itching to give me shit for time spent off the grid, totally. 

Monday I played catchup to see that my firewall had taken a solid pounding while I was playing sad little invalid. I figured, okay, what goes around comes around. The urchins probably wanted to see what the hell I was keeping on MY root for a change, and were keeping themselves busy this whole time. Little did they know that instead of the thousands of game keys and ripped .mp3s and porn archives they might expect, all they would have found was a bunch of diagrams and Metapoint slideshows for my Civil War Gettysburg battle recreation project. 

Outflank. Rush. Retreat. It's like chess or football.....some people don’t get this game, but it’s fascinating to me. Lose the battle, win the war. 

Anyway, so I scanned the attack logs on the firewall. Much to my surprise, instead of the usual sneering from Scratch and 1337 attitudes from the rest, all I saw were the closest thing you could ever get to warm fuzzies from people you would prolly never meet in fleshspace. "come back come back five and dime whatever, C!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!", said one from mello (ha ha, I am poor diet poster child, he is Ritalin poster child), " urchins are lost without you!!!!!!!!!! BACK BACK BACK NOW NOW!!" 

Someday I will be ruler of the world, and I will outlaw exclamation point keys on keyboards. But at that second, plugging back in, I knew I was home again. 

And it felt okay. 

There was a bit of odd news on my return which also may have something to do with it. A new coworker was named employee of the month. While I'm happy for her, it just struck me as odd. Not only is she new to the company, she's from my department and I'm not even all that sure of what she does for us. She's in the department, and she shows up for departmental meetings, but she doesn't seem to have any of the typical responsibilities. It just all seems out of place and I'm not sure what to make of it. Why her? Why our department (again!)? She is a great girl and has become someone that I can count on. But that's socially, not professionally. An employee of the month should be someone that represents the company in an outstanding fashion. She just does not, at least as far as I can tell.

Speaking of her, she was a fantastic help while I was away. Not only did she watch over my place, she welcomed my dog into her home. Laika almost didn't seem happy to see me! I had to call her twice before she came bounding into arms. Next time maybe I should board her. At least then I can't even get out the first syllable before she attacks me. The home was all in one piece, mail piled neatly on my desk. Heck, if I didn't know better, I'd think she even straightened up a bit for me.

I'm glad to be home, though I do wish that I was still away from everything. It was nice to be able to think about things without any distractions. Now I'm home and I'm still as confused as ever and even a bit scared. 

I suppose that I just wish that I was still away from here and in the heart of everything else. It was an amazing vacation and I finally experienced my first "anomaly". I'm not completely sure of what all happened, though it was definitely something. I'll upload my notes to my archives as soon as I get a moment to get them all in order. Part of me is convinced that this is a hoax or some massive joke on me. If any of you are in on it, please let me know. I'm a bit spooked, I'll admit it and we can all move on.

There is definitely evidence that this is a hoax. In both Alabama and Washington, a man was present for the events. However, I cannot for the life of me figure out how he could have done the things. Sure, a few can be explained as illusions, but they were so real. Others cannot be explained at all. Yet if he wasn't behind them, why was he there?

I did not experience the event in AL, yet I was right in the center of it in WA. It started when a few bats flew through a tree like it was the night sky. That startled me and I fell through my tent and wound up with half my body in the tent and half of it out of the tent. It was as real as anything else that I've seen or experienced, but I suppose it could have been some crazy trick. What gets me the most is my PDA. I asked the man a few questions and he didn't respond. Yet when I went to write some notes, there were new files on the PDA; files that I did not put there. Ok, he could have put them there. Wireless connection and all of that. However, the files turned out to be the answers to the questions that I asked him in XML. I did not see him with a PDA or any device. I did not see him type. So, how did that happen? Was there someone else involved? How could it have happened so quickly?

I have since seen this man on several occasions. He's always at a great distance, but he's there. So, I begin to wonder if I have a stalker. It's very possible. Heck, I tell all of you virtual strangers quite a bit about me. I suppose it wouldn't be hard to find out more. Yet, he's always at a distance and so I've not been too worried. However, tonight he showed up at my home. He knows where I live and this time he was rather close to me. That's troubling. Again he wouldn't answer my questions. When he left, I checked my PDA. And there they were, his responses. Now seriously, if this is one of you, stop it. I bought into it. Cool little hoax. Well done. I want to know your secrets....how did you do it! If it's not one of you, who or what is it? What does it mean?

Well, I've rambled on long enough and I'm late to go pick up Kat. Hopefully a good movie will help me get my mind off of this.

Beth 

November 06, 2003

ethan.thenekodas.com

November 07, 2003

ethan.thenekodas.com

November 08, 2003

dina.thenekodas.com

November 09, 2003

dina.thenekodas.com

November 10, 2003

dina.thenekodas.com

November 11, 2003

November 11, 2003

ethan.thenekodas.com

My throat is dry, where did I put my glass? 

There it is. 

Much better. 

I have got to do some dishes tomorrow. 

I put those off too much. 

Why do I do that? 

Does everyone hate doing the dishes so much? 

Maybe if I had a dishwasher. 

Well, then I'd just waste water. 

Is that a chip on the rim? 

Yup. 

Right there. 

Damn now I’ve got to get new glasses too. 

Maybe if I did dishes more often, it wouldn't sit in the sink where it could get a crack in the rim? 

Or did it get the crack somewhere else? 

How else would it have happened? 

Maybe Laika knocked it over. 

Laika wouldn't do that. 

Laika! 

Laika! 

Where did that dog go? 

I wonder if she needs to go out. 

No. 

She would have barked. 

What was that flash outside the window? 

Oh, just a bird. 

Look at him sitting there cocking his head from side to side like he's on crack. 

Left side, right side, left side. 

What kind of bird is that? 

It's brown. 

They're always brown. 

How do people tell them apart? 

I see two legs, a brown blob, a head, and a beak. 

Bird. 

I have to fix that crack in the door too. 

Maybe I should make a list on metadex. 

Cracked glass, bird on crack, cracked door, jimmy crack corn, cracked pepper. 

mmmm cracked pepper. 

Ooo tomato. 

Pepper on a tomato. 

Am I hungry? 

Did I eat lunch today? 

Yes, I think there's a dish from lunch in the sink. 

Maybe I should do the dishes now. 

No, I can wait until tomorrow. 

I'll surely have something else tonight and I might as well do them all at once. 

What was I doing here? 

I should email Phil. 

What's he's up to? 

Maybe I should just call him. 

No, I shouldn't call him. 

Maybe I'll call him tomorrow. 

I would like to talk to him about this though. 

He'd probably relate it to some ancient story. 

Man does he go on and on about that stuff. 

I should read up on it. 

Why don't I read as much as I should? 

I used to read so much. 

I should start up again. 

Oh, but where would I find the time? 

I could cut back on TV. 

I watch too much TV. 

What TV wouldn't I watch though? 

I guess I don't watch that much TV. 

That's the phone. 

Whoever it is will call back, I don't want to talk to anyone. 

Oh, what if it was Phil? 

I could talk to him. 

I wish I knew what was up with that. 

Really, what was that email all about? 

Stupid really. 

It made no sense. 

Where is that email? 

Have I deleted it yet? 

Hmm. 

No, I haven't. 

Wait, what's this? 

My throat is dry, where did I put my glass? 

There it is. 

Much better. 

I have got to do some dishes tomorrow. 

I put those off too much. 

Why do I do that? 

Does everyone hate doing the dishes so much? 

Maybe if I had a dishwasher. 

Well, then I'd just waste water. 

Is that a chip on the rim? 

Yup. 

Right there. 

Damn now I’ve got to get new glasses too. 

Maybe if I did dishes more often, it wouldn't sit in the sink where it could get a crack in the rim? 

Or did it get the crack somewhere else? 

I didn't type this. 

What? 

Is this me? 

Yup. 

Right there. 

Damn now I’ve got to get new glasses too. 

Maybe if I did dishes more often, it wouldn't sit in the sink where it could get a crack in the rim? 

Or did it get the crack somewhere else? 

I didn't type this. 

What? 

Is this me? 

Yes, yes it is me. 

Yes, yes it is me. 

Look, I just thought that. 

Look, I just thought that. 

How did that do that? 

Stop! 

No don't type stop! 

Well that wouldn't be type. 

What would it be? 

Wait. 

This can't be right. 

Ok, think there has to be a way this is happening. 

Oh! 

Is he here? 

Hello? 

Where are you? 

Hello? 

Where are you? 

Stop typing my thoughts and type yours. 

He can do that. 

Surely you can do that. 

Where is he? 

Where are you? 

He's got to be nearby. 

You have to be nearby. 

Stop! 

Just for a minute! 

Maybe he can tell me where he is. 

Tell me where you are! 

Tell me where you are! 

Fine. 

Just repeat what I'm saying. 

Well, thinking. 

I'll just find you. 

Maybe I'll read your mind like you can apparently do mine. 

Wait! 

He's reading my mind. 

You are reading my mind! 

That's new! 

How are you doing this? 

Do you understand what you are doing? 

Can you repeat it? 

Is this supposed to happen? 

Maybe this is part of your function! 

Though I still don't understand why or how you have functions. 

It makes no sense. 

You make no sense. 

An angel of some sort? 

What could do this? 

Could an angel do this? 

Could a god? 

A god? 

Would you stop documenting everything I'm saying just for a minute so that I can think? 

Please. Just stop it. 

Stop it. 

Stop! 

I can't read it! 

Stop typing it out or sending it. 

Well whatever it is just stop. 

Ok, let's think this through. 

He can read my mind. 

That is not normal behavior. 

Not human behavior. 

Stop reading. 

This is hard. 

I don't understand.

Just go away. 

Leave. 

Well don't go. 

I don't want you to go. 

I just don't want you to read my mind. 

Stop reading it! 

I said

November 12, 2003

dina.thenekodas.com

November 12, 2003

ethan.thenekodas.com

17:32 I have set up "camp" and started a fire. Perhaps he will notice the smoke. I hope that I don't have to search through the woods for him. Laika is running around after every shadow she sees. She seems so happy. Perhaps I need to look into a place with a bigger yard when I get home.

18:58 Went for a long walk and didn't notice anything unusual. It is really cold out here. I wonder if I have enough gas in the car to sleep in there with the heater running. Maybe I should just go home. It's dark and I'm tired, but I haven't eaten yet today and should make dinner.

19:21 Still no sign of "Strange Man". I do hope that he's here. Where else would he have gone? I know that he's here, I just don't know where. I think that I'm going to try to read by the fire. Laika is curled up in a ball and looks so happy. Doesn't she understand how cold it is?

19:59 OK, boredom has set in. I have a great book to read, but I just can't get into it. I'm so distracted. What was I thinking coming out here? He told me it was dangerous to be near him. He said his goodbyes. Why do I feel the need to see him? Why do I think he needs my help? I think I'll just stay here tonight and then head back in the morning.

20:28 Laika and I ran around for a bit. I was hoping that the noise would bring the "Strange Man". It didn't. I'm beginning to think that he's not here. Is it safe to sleep with the fire still burning? It's quite cold and the fire will be at least a little warmth. I'm going to pack up everything and go to bed. I'll head home in the morning.

23:43 Woke up to Laika barking like crazy to go out and now I can't get back to sleep. It is so peaceful out here with the crisp air and smoldering fire. Now that I've resigned myself to the fact that I'll never see the "Strange Man", I can enjoy the beauty of the moment. I've never been much of a nature person, but now I can understand why some people are.

23:49 I see a strange lights just over the trees about a mile away or so. I'm going to get Laika and check them out. I wonder if it could be him?

Saturday, Nov 15:
02:46 Well, I didn't see anything unusual and lost sight of the lights as soon as I left the campsite. So, I've spent 2 hours wandering aimlessly through the woods at night. This is stupid. Off to bed again

07:18 Rise and shine. It looks like it's going to be another miserable day. It's really cold and rainy. Everything is wet and yet the fire is still smoldering. The campsite is covered in a sort of slush, it's not quite snow but it's not quite water. I hate it when the temperature is borderline like this. I'm going to take Laika for a walk and then get ready to head home

08:03 Plans have changed! I have found "My Friend." I asked him his name and he said that I could call him "My Friend." I suppose that's better than "Strange Man." He seems troubled that I am here and keeps telling me that he needs to work. He doesn't seem to understand what he should be working on though. His primary concern when we last met was his communication system. That has been repaired and is working properly. His other systems seem to be in order. However he has no knowledge of his "purpose in the system." I have not been able to discover who developed him or how. We certainly have nothing this advanced at Metacortex. The communication system alone is beyond what we have been able to do. It's fascinating.

09:18 Have decided to experiment with his capabilities. I'm unsure of what will happen. He is bothered by my presence but seems thankful that I am here. It's very confusing. The first test will be on his climate system, at least from what I have been able to gather. This is unbelievable.

09:22 Unbelievable! By climate system he meant the climate! He has stopped the wind. The weather this morning was cold with a very light rain/snow mix and a bitter wind. The wind has stopped, it has now been just over a minute. The laptop appeared to struggle just prior to the wind stopping. There must be a minor interference. So, he is drawing too much power (?) and is able to control the weather. Unreal.

09:36 The wind is back. I was hoping it would be clear for a while, at least long enough to warm up. Whatever control he has over it is temporary. Is this a malfunction in him or are his effects meant to be temporary? What else can he effect? What is he? He's certainly not just any ol' AI robot. "Any ol' AI robot", the guys in the lab would kill me for saying that. What am I dealing with here?

10:51 This second test was very interesting. In an area that I would judge to be a 12 foot square, nothing would stop moving. Things were slipping as though they were on ice. When the reached the edge of the square, if the momentum wasn't great enough to take them over the edge (where they would come to an immediate stop), they would slid right along the 'edge'. It's as if friction was removed. The effect lasted for about 2 minutes before returning to normal. This leads me to believe that whatever abilities he has over nature are temporary. Does he have any long term effects? What would be the purpose of an AI that could make temporary changes to small areas?

14:01 Needed to exercise Laika so we went on a walk. Arrived to a clearing with a small abandoned shack. While Laika ran around in the clearing, the shack suddenly became very distorted. I asked him if it was my perception or if it was the shack itself. He replied with a cryptic answer of how everything is as it is perceived. Had he not just taken away my sense of taste or smell, I would have believed that it was the shack itself. Now I'm wondering if it was my eyes. If he wants my help with this, he should be more clear on what he's doing. Right now I feel as if I'm an observer and not on some scientific voyage of discovery. Perhaps Phil would be able to help me. I wish that he had come.

16:07 This is insane. Last location: 48º55N 2º24E Current location: 46º31N 30º42E This is just amazing! How is this happening.

November 15, 2003

dina.thenekodas.com

 

I was in the midst of packing things for this weekend trip, and I caught sight of the butterfly hanging on its little hook on the door. I moved to take it off, but then thought I should capture this with a quick photo. You see, I am completely ready to move forward, but at the same time, I never again want my past to be taken from me. I want to know where I came from, and I want to learn from my mistakes. Whatever happened to us to make us who we are today is something I want to understand as surely as I know the love I feel when Ethan smiles at me, or the satisfaction of completing a new song.

I am so excited about this weekend, I cannot tell you. Forget the workshops and the inner searching for meaning through art and meditation - no offense, Fiona and Wongmo - but I have to tell you that this weekend is quite possibly one of the most important and liberating of my entire life. You might think that's just hyperbole, just me being emotional and grasping at anything to bring me out of this semi-nightmare I've been living in for the past few months, but if you were in my shoes, you'd stop and think about it for just a minute. One little Redland minute, and suddenly the world will explode into color and light and song and relief.

The suitcase and carry-on are sitting on the chair, right over there. They were sitting on our bed in Chicago only yesterday. We're here, and we've got plans.

I think sometimes, over the last several weeks, of what a mixed-up world we're living in. We move from day to day, and we never really do know what's going to be around the corner, or on the other side of some small decision. We take what we get and we accept it so gratefully, so blindly. For the most part, that might be an alright way to live. For the most part. But what happens to doubt and fear? Do we never cope with it, then? Do we just lash out in anger, against our family, our friends, our neighbors, other countries? What justification is there for things like war, when most of us don't even know why we're in one? The nightmares were my war, and I was fighting myself, I was taking every piece of myself and plotting a course to self-destruction. Oh, it might've taken a few years, but I ask you: would anyone consider themselves sane after all this lost sleep, this core of confusion that's held back my real life? What lengths would I have gone to to get a decent night's sleep?

I want to know what friends I have on the other side. I want to see this new place I apparently carved out a year ago. I want to find him, and I want to tell him I am so, so sorry that we failed him. That I failed him. That somehow, I was not strong enough to hold onto something so important and amazing.

It feels really strange to be so sure of these things. I know perhaps you, the reader, whoever you are, you may not understand what I am feeling right now. That's OK, I haven't told a lot of the story here, either. You're mostly likely looking at a puzzle missing a few pieces. That's alright. You know that when you wake up every morning you're going to be looking at the same ceiling, you will have the same pillow under your head. When your feet hit the floor, they feel just as stiff or bony as the day before. When you run your hands through your hair, rinsing out shampoo, when you drink your coffee, these things have a certain expectancy, a consistency to them. You learn these things by rote without even knowing it: the angle your leg needs to bend at the knee in order to drop down to the next step in a stairwell, the amount of pressure you need to sign a check with your favorite fountain pen, the feel of your hand in his, the taste of coffee at 7 AM with the news floating out of the television in the other room, your first recital, the funeral for your father, and then the funeral for your mother, the sweetness of oranges in the middle of winter.

This acidic tang to life is what keeps us going, perhaps. Tart citrus, sometimes chile pepper, some chocolate, a dash of saffron. There is so much to see now, and I feel grateful that whatever movement there is in the world, it's brought me the serendipity of my past life.

It's probably well past time for me to stop typing into this laptop and get ready for the day. This day, that I have been looking forward to long before I even know what I was wanting so badly.

Mid-50's today, some rain. It still seems like the brightest, most promising weather yet.

Wish me luck. I almost can't wait to come back to this space to write about all of this, and how I am feeling, but at the same time, I am sure you will understand if I take some time to be with my family, to make amends for whatever errors I may have committed oh, so long ago.

Posted by Dina at 04:55 PM

Player1: do you think this AI can help find the guy on heismissing.info?
bethlmcconnell: You know, several others have mentioned that
bethlmcconnell: It would make me feel a million times better if he could.
Player1: well, correct me if i am wrong, but that seems to be what made you so upset in the 'my life' section of your website
bethlmcconnell: yes, that it did
     

Player2: This "man" you talk about, when did you last see him?
bethlmcconnell: i am with him right now.
Player2: Can he contact you? Is it still in XML or not?
bethlmcconnell: his language functions have been repaired
Player2: Has he told you what he needs your help with then?
bethlmcconnell: he's really a very nice man. and i am trying to help him
bethlmcconnell: he doesn't seem to understand his purpose.
bethlmcconnell: though i'm not sure what his purpose could be
bethlmcconnell: we're running a series of tests
Player2: What type of tests?
bethlmcconnell: to determine what he is
bethlmcconnell: and what he can affect
bethlmcconnell: and how he can affect it
bethlmcconnell: i hope that by determining his capabilities, his function or purpose will become clear.
Player2: What has he shown you he can do so far?
bethlmcconnell: he's stopped the wind
bethlmcconnell: hes made my tent float
bethlmcconnell: he's taken away the physical properties of my tent.
bethlmcconnell: he took away my ability to taste!
Player2: You saw other people like those kids at the event? Do you know who they were?
bethlmcconnell: no. and i had forgotten all about them.
Player2: Have you tried asking him how he can do what he can? Does he change the code? And of what?
bethlmcconnell: He affects the code. Gotta run. Leaving the area. He wants to show me more. This is terribly exciting, yet very unreal.

Player3: Where are you?
bethlmcconnell: I'm not sure, to be honest. It doesn't look familiar at all.
bethlmcconnell: I think we're moving on.
bethlmcconnell: I think my excitement of traveling has inspired him.
bethlmcconnell: I've always wanted to see the world. I just didn't know it would be so quickly.
bethlmcconnell: I'm not sure who or what he is. He's just my Friend.
     

Player4: what have you seen?
bethlmcconnell: The screen of my PDA.  I've not really had time to absorb anything
bethlmcconnell: As soon as I get comfortable enough in one place we move to another.
Player4: what is it like?
bethlmcconnell: It's fascinating.
bethlmcconnell: the travel is very easy.
bethlmcconnell: I'm in one place one minute and a completely different one the next.

Player5: Have you asked your friend about the Monitors? They seem quite threatening...does he know why they are after him?
Player5: Or who sent them?
bethlmcconnell: I have not brought them up
bethlmcconnell: After his last run in, I figured that if he wouldn't accept my help if I mentioned them.
bethlmcconnell: I'm quite curious about him.
Player5: Maybe you could ask if he would mind discussing them? If the topic bothers him?
Player5: Because it's certainly a fascinating topic, don't you think?
bethlmcconnell: It's quite frightening actually, considering what they did.

Player5: Hey, I wonder if he can translocate outside of the Earth.
bethlmcconnell: That would be something. I'll have to ask.

Player6: did you give the AI man access to some metacortechs computers?
bethlmcconnell: And I was going to give him access to computers, but he didn't need them. He regained his communication abilities without them.
bethlmcconnell: Now it is a matter of discovering his purpose in the system.

Player6: if you go to greece you can see the aquapolis
bethlmcconnell: Oh man, I already feel as if I've been there! there are posters of it up all over the place at work.

Player7: I received your email today and must say that I am concerned for your safety. Are you alright?
bethlmcconnell: I am fine. I'm not worried about my safety at all.
Player7: Ok good. That's a relief.
Player7: Is Laika alright? Is she with you?
bethlmcconnell: She is not with me. She's probably running around the campsite wondering where I've left her.

Player6: did someone die at the aquapolis, did you hear any rumors?
bethlmcconnell: What? No one's died there.

Player6: maybe he can make the liver and onions taste like s'mores
bethlmcconnell: changing tastes
bethlmcconnell: that would be an interesting test
bethlmcconnell: we know that he can take it away, but can he make it something else?

     
Player6: we know he can translate in space, can he move back and forth in time?
bethlmcconnell: time was brought up by someone else. I think that would be a fascinating thing to know
bethlmcconnell: I also know that he can affect gravity, so I wonder what other physical laws he can control.
bethlmcconnell: I'm also very curious as to the duration issue
     

Player8: Is Wongmo and Leiphe the same person?
bethlmcconnell: Phil believes that they are the same person. He's really upset about it all.
Player8: But... you don't believe they are?
bethlmcconnell: I have no idea. I've never dealt with them.

Player8: I'm a bit confused about your relationship to Kathy. Your email to everyone said (in so many words) that while she has become your friend, you don't understand how she got, well, employee of the month. Do you really not know what Kathy does at her job to deserve it?
bethlmcconnell: I think she's great, personally
bethlmcconnell: professionally, I have my doubts
bethlmcconnell: maybe i was just sad to see her get the employee of the month.
     

Player9: could he be of alien making?
bethlmcconnell: that would make sense. I know of no lab that could create something this advanced
bethlmcconnell: but now it's time for dinner and then I'm going to update my log. I'll be back in an hour or so.

Saturday, Nov 15:

19:44 What a crazy afternoon! I spent it traveling the world, seriously! As far as I can tell (my notes are rather rough), I began by traveling to 48º55N 2º24E from there I went to 46º31N 30º42E. After that I went to: 29 º52N 31º20E, 59º56N 10º44E, 31º47N 35º13E, 44º25N 26º6E, 21ºN 57ºE, 18º29N 69º54W, 44º48N 20º28E, 43º7N 131º55E. It was a quick tour, no more than a few minutes in each spot. It was very overwhelming and I'm not quite sure of the point. His translocation abilities are in tact, that was proven from the first stop. I assume that I just got so excited about it that he felt the need to continue. He seemed to get excited with every new stop. It wasn't until I started to get rather frustrated that we stopped. I've received a lot of help and advice while I was on the road. If I didn't get to you (and you are reading this), I'm sorry. There was just so much going on. I do want to hear your ideas though, so please email me or get me on one of the various chat clients. "My Friend" has wandered off. I didn't see or hear him leave. I was wrapping up food and putting the cooler in the car and when I turned around he was gone. I trust that he'll return shortly. I hope that he will. At least it will give me time to figure out some additional tests. There has got to be an easy way to narrow in on his abilities and his purpose.

Player5: I hear you're back?
Player5: Are you back at the site? Is everything how you left it? How long were you away?
Player5: What I'm wondering is, does he have the power to stretch or compress time as well?
bethlmcconnell: Everything is just as I left it (well aside from the rope that Laika chewed through, sometimes dogs can be so impatient)
Player5: Heh. so no strange time effects?
Player5: Maybe that could be a potential test.
bethlmcconnell: time!
Player5: Should be fascinating...*hey, look, a dinosaur!*
bethlmcconnell: that would be a great test.
bethlmcconnell: oh, I don't know if I'd want to run across a dinosaur!
bethlmcconnell: Maybe just a few years back. I'd hate to go someplace and not be able to get back.
bethlmcconnell: I wonder if it's even a possibility

     
Player5: Hmm...I have an idea for testing your friend's purpose...
bethlmcconnell: Oh?
Player5: maybe if you see if he can fix some place that seems to be "broken"
Player5: such as Cascade Vortex?
Player5: Have you heard of that place? It's in WA
Player5: seems to always have paranormal glitches going on
Player5: If he can, maybe his purpose is to fix problems such as that...
Player5: Does that seem like a useful test?
bethlmcconnell: that it does
bethlmcconnell: and we're not far at all from that place. It's just up the road.
Player5: oh, cool. Are you going to go try it?
bethlmcconnell: That sounds like a great idea. I'll see what happens
bethlmcconnell: though I'm afraid that most of the cascade vortex is a hoax, but we'll see.

Player10: Have you determined the purpose of AI Man's translocating?
bethlmcconnell: No, I think it was because I got so excited by the idea of it

     
Player10: what do you know of Lynne Avery?
Player10: Or Jesse?
bethlmcconnell: Lynne
bethlmcconnell: ?
bethlmcconnell: She's James' ex-wife.
bethlmcconnell: I assume Jesse is with James and Lynne
bethlmcconnell: but I don't know
     

Player19: did you have any additional news on your missing friend you spoke about in your mail sometimes ago?
bethlmcconnell: No, I've been thinking about him lately.
Player19: Is he the one on heismissing.info ?
bethlmcconnell: James, yes, he's the one on heismissing.info
Player19: Do you know anything about his son? Is he ok?
bethlmcconnell: I haven't heard from his son since before I last saw him.
Player19: I hope he's fine... losing his father wont be a good thing... Anyway.. do you know who's the woman on sheismissing.info? I feel like the two are connected.
bethlmcconnell: That's James' ex-wife.
Player19: What's James ex wife's first name?
Player19: Is she Sylvia?
bethlmcconnell: No, her name is Lynne

     
Player19: I'm still wondering which method you used to find the pattern of the paranormal events...
bethlmcconnell: I forget the actual equation for the pattern (it's written down on a paper at work), but it had to do with the location and the date of the previous one
bethlmcconnell: It was actually rather simple math
     

Player5: Possible test idea - can he affect memories? Make you remember something that didn't happen? It would be hard for you to tell...maybe you could write down something that never happened, and then tell him to make you remember that thing. Something like "The sky turned purple"...?
Player5: If you suddenly remembered the thing that you wrote down, that would be proof that he is supposed to affect humans. Maybe, in addition to fixing glitches, he makes people forget about those glitches so that they don't get freaked out and begin to question reality.
Player5: Possible?
bethlmcconnell: hmmm, that is an interesting test
bethlmcconnell: it would be difficult to know if it worked though.
Player5: True, which is why I suggested writing down the thing that you don't remember
Player5: to have a reference point
Player5: It would probably be a bit disturbing for you, but potentially very interesting
bethlmcconnell: yes. that would really be the only way that it would work
Player5: Did you guys ever go down to the Cascade Vortex, or did he leave before you could?
bethlmcconnell: he left before we could. I hope that he comes back though.
Player5: I wonder, do you happen to know who this is? http://sheismissing.info/
Player5: Beth? Sorry, that probably seemed to come out of nowhere. I just ask because she seems to be connected to heismissing.info, who appears to be James Avery...I don't really understand what happened to him
Player5: I don't mean to intrude. I brought it up because you were close to him, weren't you?
bethlmcconnell: That is his ex-wife
bethlmcconnell: and yes, James and I were very close for several years.
bethlmcconnell: He's an amazing man.
Player5: Something strange happened to him in Zurich, didn't it?
bethlmcconnell: I don't think so
bethlmcconnell: well, I no longer know really
Player5: why not?
bethlmcconnell: I had actually believed the "retired and getting away from it all" story
bethlmcconnell: if he had retired and all was well, why would people be looking for him?
bethlmcconnell: I could understand why he hadn't contacted me. That almost made sense.
bethlmcconnell: But to not contact others, well that's just not like James.
Player5: Do you know who is looking for him?
bethlmcconnell: No, I have ideas on people that are looking for him. But as far as concrete information, no.
Player5: Hmm. Do you mind if I ask what ideas you have? Because I have some ideas myself
Player5: My ideas = I noticed that the pics from the -ismissing.info sites were hosted on paintover.net, which is some kind of gateway for people to chat on, it seems. It seems like Miss Kinross posts on that site as "Texel." How strange that there's a link between the -ismissing.info sites and your friend... is that along the lines of what you were thinking, or do you have other ideas?
bethlmcconnell: Well, I was thinking more about Marcus and Dim
Player5: really? in what sense?
bethlmcconnell: Well, I happened across a folder of information that Marcus had on James
Player5: What kind of info did it contain? and what does it have to do with Dim?
bethlmcconnell: So I guess I do have concrete information of someone looking for him, but it could be work related. I don't know. It's just so strange that after all this time he's reappearing everywhere.
bethlmcconnell: See, that's what I don't know.
bethlmcconnell: Dim came to Redland the other day and met with Marcus.
bethlmcconnell: I just assumed. I don't know what other reason they'd have.
Player5: Interesting...hmm, who is Dim, anyway?
Player5: And do you think they have any connection to the Averys' son? I mean, it would make sense for him to be looking as well...did Marcus or Dim know the son, do you think?
bethlmcconnell: I'm sure that Dim did/does
bethlmcconnell: Dim and James were great friends
Player5: Oh...was Marcus close to James as well?
bethlmcconnell: They were friendly but not friends
bethlmcconnell: work associates
Player5: Oh, ok. So there would not be a personal reason for Marcus to be looking for him, I suppose. Do you know of any reason why he would be so interested in searching?
Player5: was there ever some tension between them?
bethlmcconnell: I know that Marcus was upset with him at one point. I think that passed though
bethlmcconnell: but it was a bit tense for a while and Marcus almost left the company, iirc.
bethlmcconnell: I never really got the whole story.
Player5: So you don't know why Marcus would be looking for them, then?
bethlmcconnell: I have no idea. I assume it's work related, but that doesn't make sense
     

Player20: what did kathy catch you looking at?
bethlmcconnell: kat caught me looking at a folder that he had on James
Player20: hmm, anything interesting in the folder?
bethlmcconnell: I didn't get all that good of a look before I had to close it
Player20: maybe the ai man can help you to remember. kind of like what hypnotists do. freeze a moment of time or even a memory for further study
Player20: could be a good test
bethlmcconnell: it could be!
bethlmcconnell: i like that idea!
bethlmcconnell: I really like that idea because I'd love to know what was in there.
     

bethlmcconnell: there was some delay after we returned and he left. he stayed through dinner though he didn't eat
bethlmcconnell: he asked a number of questions
bethlmcconnell: and then when i was cleaning up he left
bethlmcconnell: and i didn't notice
Player21: Did he have any answers for you?
bethlmcconnell: no.
bethlmcconnell: he was more curious about my daily life
bethlmcconnell: he was just very curious about relationships
bethlmcconnell: human friendships
Player21: What was it that made you suspect he could translocate in the first place? Was this a subsystem he was testing?
bethlmcconnell: well he had translocated someone before
bethlmcconnell: a girl in GA
bethlmcconnell: I can't think of her name right now
bethlmcconnell: so that's what brought that up
bethlmcconnell: and I joked that if it had been me I'd want to go to Paris
bethlmcconnell: and one thing led to another and off I went
bethlmcconnell: after Paris it all seemed random
bethlmcconnell: but he said that he wanted to show me the world

Player3: Does your friend know what happened to Mr. James Avery?
bethlmcconnell: How would he know about James?

Player22: have you asked him if he can run a self diagnostic test? perhaps come up with a list of what he can do?
bethlmcconnell: He told me that he had run several diagnostic tests. In fact, that is one of the ways that he has determined what he has been able to do.
bethlmcconnell: The question that seems to bother him the most is his purpose. Not unlike humans in that respect.
Player22: while we're talking, I've been meaning to ask about Avery's son... who is he living with now?
bethlmcconnell: I have no idea
bethlmcconnell: I assume that he's with James and Lynne
Player22: oh - I thought they were separated and sharing custody.. not sure where I got that idea
bethlmcconnell: They were divorced
bethlmcconnell: He and I were friends after the divorce
bethlmcconnell: but I've lately had the feeling that they left together
bethlmcconnell: and I would just assume that Jesse is with them
Player22: do you think they went on the run for some reason or do you suspect that something happened to them?
bethlmcconnell: i think they may have gone on the run

Player13: Do you know where he came from? Is he related to laberinth?
bethlmcconnell: I have no idea where he came from
bethlmcconnell: As far as I know, he is beyond any tech. that we have.
Player13: What exactly is Labyrinth and Minotaur?
bethlmcconnell: Labyrinth and minotaur are greek myths
bethlmcconnell: I can't say beyond that ;)
Player13: I understand :)
Player13: Are you familiar with the problems that The Aquapolis is having, and do you think that the AI is related?
bethlmcconnell: I'm not familiar with any problems there
bethlmcconnell: as far as I know it's going well
Player13: Ah, they were just having a few problems with the security system malfunctioning from what I have heard, not a big deal :)
bethlmcconnell: I was just leaving.
Player13: Ah, well have a good night then
bethlmcconnell: I'll be back on tomorrow though i 'm sure
bethlmcconnell: you too
Player13: Great, I'll talk to you then.

23:33 Going to bed. It has been a long and interesting day. I'm still very confused and overwhelmed by it all. "My Friend" still has not returned. I wonder where he went and if he'll return tomorrow. I hope that he does as I received a lot of great ideas from friends, both new and old, in chat tonight.

Sunday, Nov 16:
07:39 What a night! I don't think that I got more than 10 minutes of sleep. There's just so much to think about and it's so difficult to truly accept. I went for a short walk this morning. There is so much beauty in this world. The details of every branch, every leaf. The clouds, even when completely covering the sky, have patterns that only nature could make. I've never really looked at this stuff before. The world is truly a magnificent place. I'm going to take Laika down to the lake to run around. I hope that "My Friend" will be there.

11:30 "My Friend" approached me during our time at the lake. He was curious if I enjoyed my trip, which I did. I explained that as nice as it was, humans enjoy taking time to soak up the culture and environment of their travels. That as nice as the journey was, it didn't allow for that and left me with more questions. If he could bend the laws of time to allow me to travel so quickly, could he bend the laws of time and affect things in the past or in the future.

I challenged him to remove the wind, a repeat of a test from yesterday. The ripples on the lake suddenly stopped and the air was still., which he did. Just as I suspected, the effect only lasted a few minutes. I then asked him to do the same thing, only 10 minutes later. To my surprise, it happened. Once again, the effect only lasted a short time.

As we walked back to the campsite, I attempted to question him on how exactly he controls the wind. Instead of answering, he questioned me about my perception of the wind, how it looks and feels. That led to a discussion of the way that humans perceive the world and each other. It was all very interesting, though I really wish that he would have answered me. I would like to know how he perceives the world. Is our world, our society, nothing but a system of intertwining parts? Did he see the beauty in the moss covered path?

Player10: Beth are you around?
bethlmcconnell: I am, but I was just getting ready to leave
bethlmcconnell: to try and get warm, eat some lunch, and run a few tests.
Player10: Do you have time to answer a few questions?
bethlmcconnell: watch my log and I'll be back later this afternoon.
bethlmcconnell: i can try to answer a few, sure.
Player10: Do you know anyone called: Ryan Emerson or Todd Rogan?
bethlmcconnell: Ryan maybe sounds familiar.
bethlmcconnell: But know them, no.
Player10: Where are you now? Redland?
Player10: What's it like?
bethlmcconnell: I'm a ways outside of Redland camping.
bethlmcconnell: and it's cold and miserable outside.
Player10: Have you heard from your friend?
bethlmcconnell: yes, he's here.
bethlmcconnell: I'm going to go get warm by the fire. I'll be back this afternoon.

bethlmcconnell: Kat? She's not near a computer today.
bethlmcconnell: At least I don't believe that she is.
Player11: that's strange. Do you know why she wouldn't be near a computer?
bethlmcconnell: She's on a business trip.
Player11: where?
bethlmcconnell: Europe. Greece and a couple other places I believe.
bethlmcconnell: I forget where all she was headed

     
Player5: Did you talk about anything interesting?
bethlmcconnell: We had a long talk on human perception which was frustrating. I'm much more interested in his perception.
Player5: What did he have to say about human perception? 
bethlmcconnell: He was curious about how I saw things, felt things.
bethlmcconnell: All very difficult to express.

Player12: Hey, Beth... I'm still trying to grasp all that went on last night ... Anyway, have you tried having your friend affect your sense of sight/touch? Because I'm thinking that perhaps you never even really traveled around the world... I mean, your computer stayed connected to the internet, maybe your friend "lied" about your location, and you really just stayed in Washington, but he made you *think* you were traveling the world... 
bethlmcconnell: I was thinking about that last night. 
bethlmcconnell: but it was more than just the sights. 
bethlmcconnell: there were sounds an differences in temperature. 
bethlmcconnell: he would have had control over all my senses. is that possible? something that i should probably find out. 
Player12: Hmmm... Perhaps you should see if he can affect those things in a test? Have him change the smells in the air, the temp, etc, one at a time at your location... 
bethlmcconnell: yes, that would be a good thing to do. 
bethlmcconnell: I was curious about time this morning because of the travel. 
Player12: Either way, it's clear he's capable of some things we would have thought "impossible", even with technology... especially if he can modify time (like the wind thing you mentioned in your log) I find it interesting that he is questioning your perceptions... It would seem that he's fascinated in finding more about human perception. It would suggest that he does not perceive things the way people do. And clearly, if he can actually change the way you perceive things, he must "see" things much differently than you... 
bethlmcconnell: yes, I think that he does. 
bethlmcconnell: I'm very curious as to how he perceives things. 
Player12: Has he told you anything about his perceptions? 
bethlmcconnell: no, he hasn't really 
bethlmcconnell: everytime that I ask, he turns it around. 
bethlmcconnell: I'm going to run now. I've got to get warm. 
bethlmcconnell: I'll be back later this afternoon, I'm sure. 

As we were sitting around the fire, I recalled the instance from earlier in the fall when fires seemed to have no heat. I challenged him to recreate that effect but to have it happen two hours later. Sure enough after two hours had passed, I was reminded of the challenge when the fire suddenly went cold. The effect lasted long enough (apron. 5 min) for me to regret the challenge. As quickly as it had disappeared, the warmth returned. I had no way of knowing whether he created the effect at that time or if he had created it earlier to appear in the future. In order to test whether it was my perception of warmth or if it was actually a “cold” fire, I placed several objects in the fire to see if they would burn. They did not.

Whenever I attempted to create a test that involved the past, the request was denied. My main attempt was to return to my office on the night of October 10. No matter how I worded the request, it was denied. Apparently his processes only allow access to systems in the present and the future.

Sticking with the time theme, we ran 10 identical tests in order to discover how long his manipulation lasts. In order to test this, we used an ability that he had previously done successfully, stopping the wind. While he was able to stop the wind, the effect only lasted for several minutes and the length varied from 48 seconds to 414 seconds. The std. dev. is 104.1158 with a mean of 222.9. While 10 tests is clearly not enough to create accurate statistics, the fact that it varies by several minutes is clearly relevant. Does he have any ability to make a lasting change? Why does the effect end so abruptly at irregular intervals?

All in all it was a productive afternoon. I’m beginning to consider “My Friend” as a friend and enjoy his company. At times he can be quite entertaining and he has certainly caused me to question things that I never thought that I would question. Our discussions are always thought provoking. Most have revolved around human perceptions, emotions, and relationships. I’m beginning to understand the importance of things that I have taken for granted. Today was a wonderful day and I do hope that he stays longer this evening than he did last night. I find myself almost longing for a bottle of wine to open as we sit by the fire and discuss the philosophy of life.

Player13: Did you happen to look at one of those objects you put into the fire after the heat came back? Was it still undamaged?
bethlmcconnell: it was completely undamaged
bethlmcconnell: everything about it was the same as when it went into the fire
bethlmcconnell: actually, that's not true
bethlmcconnell: they were all rather dirty from the ashes that were in the fire
bethlmcconnell: other than that, they were fine

Player14: Does he have control over sound? Can he change the sound of the forest into perhaps the sound of a city? Can he make music be heard? Can he transmit a conversation from another part of the world and allow you to hear it?
bethlmcconnell: I will test sound
bethlmcconnell: I did not have that on my list. that's a good suggestion.
Player14: Can he control your movements? Such as, can he make your arm move? Can he control Laika's movements? 
bethlmcconnell: that's interesting
bethlmcconnell: I'd never thought about that idea
bethlmcconnell: I will test it.
Player14: cool, hope its useful
bethlmcconnell: Yes, I like that idea.
bethlmcconnell: I will test it tonight and let you know in my log what happens.

bethlmcconnell: I'm hesitant to have him test things on me.
Player15: I can see why
bethlmcconnell: I'm also interested in what other things he has some sort of control over
bethlmcconnell: I was using the wind today because I knew that it worked
bethlmcconnell: and so I could remove that variable
Player15: how about testing your dog?

bethlmcconnell: Yes, I've offered her up as a testing subject
Player15: and?
Player15: that's exciting!
bethlmcconnell: yes, I haven't used her yet
bethlmcconnell: but if I need a live subject, it will be her before me.
Player15: .. we know the effect wears off, so it's unlikely to be dangerous
Player15: maybe he could try making her hate her favorite toy?
bethlmcconnell: that would be great! right now her favorite toys are my shoes (i just cannot seem to break her of that habit)

Player15: maybe he may only be able to stop things from happening, not create new ones?
bethlmcconnell: I think that's a good observation
bethlmcconnell: I should test his ability to create things
Player15: will you test it?
bethlmcconnell: I will!
Player15: I'm looking forward to hearing the results
bethlmcconnell: I really like that idea
bethlmcconnell: I'll let you know what happens with it!

Player16: have you thought why his "code changes" last only a few moments?
bethlmcconnell: several others have mentioned that it could be that there may be some other system that is responsible for ending the anomaly
bethlmcconnell: which is an interesting theory.
Player16: other thing... does he understand feelings like love, compassion, friendship?
bethlmcconnell: He seems to understand happiness
bethlmcconnell: and he has an idea of friendship, we've talked about it some today

     
Player16: How can you use your computer while traveling?
bethlmcconnell: you know, that has been bothering me all day and night
bethlmcconnell: it makes no sense...
Player16: is it a laptop?
bethlmcconnell: it's just a little portable.

     
Player16: have you told your mom about all this?
Player16: one other thing... why has phillip been so "away"?
bethlmcconnell: he's very busy. i've emailed her and left her a few messages. she went on a trip though, so I've not talked to her directly about it.
     
Player17: What does he look like? Does he have hair? I picture him wearing a nice sweater like Mr. Rogers. He's everyone's friend, and you seem to talk fondly of him in your logs.
Player17:  i think A.I. and i think of the movie. Have you seen it? heh... now i'm picturing your friend as Jude Law. Not a bad friend to have!
Player17: hm. Well, maybe you're more the Mel Gibson type.
bethlmcconnell: Mr Rogers?
bethlmcconnell: Not even close.
bethlmcconnell: And Mel Gibson, I don't think so.
Player17: Is he good looking? What's his wardrobe like?
bethlmcconnell: Casual clothing
bethlmcconnell: He's not bad looking. He just looks like a normal guy.

bethlmcconnell: I'm sure I'll be on tomorrow
bethlmcconnell: I'm hoping to get an email from someone, so I'll certainly be on to check for that.
Player16: someone who?
bethlmcconnell: I'm expecting email from my boss.

Player18: does he remember what he was doing before you met him ?
bethlmcconnell: he does not remember
Player18: Too bad... even if I never saw him, I feel some kind of empathy for this stranger in a strange land.
bethlmcconnell: yes, it is too bad
bethlmcconnell: it would be frustrating to know that you had a purpose, a reason, but to not know what it is
bethlmcconnell: but really, that's about as human as you can get
bethlmcconnell: so it's easy to feel for him.
bethlmcconnell: perhaps that's why I want to help him. By helping him find his purpose, I don't have to look for mine.
bethlmcconnell: Or something like that :)

Auto Response from bethlmcconnell.: I am currently away from the computer.
bethlmcconnell: I'm not really away. I'm just getting ready to log off
bethlmcconnell: and figured that I should mark myself as away
bethlmcconnell: 5 am! ugh!
bethlmcconnell: I'm getting ready to head off for the night. I should be around tomorrow morning. Maybe we'll be able to chat more then.

Sun, 16 Nov 2003 20:49:57 brutus.jpg
Caesar

Sun, 16 Nov 2003 21:42:32 brutus.mic

Scratch

Quicktime Movie: 

"Help Me"

Sun, 16 Nov 2003 23:54:55 brutus.kbp
Mello

Mon, 17 Nov 2003 12:34:04 brutus2.jpg
Caesar

Mon, 17 Nov 2003 12:46:35 brutus.lhp
Bounce

Mon, 17 Nov 2003 15:05:03 brutus2.mic
Scratch

Mon, 17 Nov 2003 19:35:55 brutus.txt
Texel

Mon, 17 Nov 2003 21:48:46 brutus3.mic
Scratch

Mon, 17 Nov 2003 22:23:03 brutus3.jpg
Caesar

November 18, 2003

ethan.thenekodas.com

Tue, 18 Nov 2003 12:30:42 brutus2.txt
Texel

Tue, 18 Nov 2003 12:47:07 brutus4.jpg
Caesar

 
Tue, 18 Nov 2003 12:48:08 brutus.ypt

Random

Research : Current
Answers to some of the questions that I've received:

What does "My Friend" like to be called?
Well, when I asked that question originally, I called himself "Your Friend" to which I've shortened to "Friend". He seems to appreciate that moniker after our discussion on the human desire for and meaning of friendship. Now that I believe that I know his purpose, I've taken to referring to him as "Collector." It fits him well, though I believe that he prefers, if such a thing is possible, "Friend."

What does he look like? 
He looks like a man. He is tall, about 6'1", I would gather. He has short hair, a dark blonde, and no remarkable facial features. He wears khaki pants, a white shirt, and a beautiful black suede overcoat. Casual, but nice.

What does he feel like?
He feels remarkably human. Just as any other person feels.

Does he have feelings?
I'm not sure if he has feelings or emotions in the same sense that we do. He was curious about human desires and human possessions and our discussion included feelings and emotions. He seems to understand them, but I'm not sure if he experiences them. He does seem to get excited and frustrated at times.

Who or What are the Monitors?
My Friend has a clear dislike for the monitors and believes that they have been tasked with his removal. He considers them to be nothing more than nasty, vicious, single-minded brutes. They are rather obtuse programs that when given a single goal, which they pursue until it's done. Once their goal is completed, they are recycled.

Tue, 18 Nov 2003 19:49:13 brutus5.jpg

Caesar

Right about now I wish I had been able to have a normal life. I REALLY wish it. 

The storms in my head seem to be the same storms that ripped through the last decade or so of my life. It started with childhood and my parents splitting, and now - this very minute, knowing that they are gone. For good. 

Betting high and bluffing, I hoped that if I stayed out of trouble, if I laid low, if I quietly pulled out the information laid out in front of me on all those networks, I'd get my parents back. I am writing right now because I don't know what else to do. It feels like I've hit a wall, and the numbness is huge, solid. I welcome it. 

Beth is a kind lady. Very beautiful, but also very real. Sincere. She seemed almost as sad as me when she told me. She seemed relieved. Maybe I'm wrong. My mind is too foggy right now to tell for sure. But I think it was something she wanted to know more than she knew how she felt about it, if that makes any sense. Anyway. 

In a twisted way, I wish I could find an analogy for this woman, this messenger in the wilderness, laptop and striking eyes, a character from a book. I could then just make this all go away, you know? Give her winged sandals and a pseudonym, and then I'd just leave. I'd just go on looking until I'm dead. A pile of dust. 

I want to say I am sorry. 

Apologies just can't cut it in a situation like this, and so I won't even try to make this poetic. I'm sorry. I know now that pretty much everything I touch, every thing I have ever loved, has been totally messed up. I have seen so many things fall into chaos and I am not sure I even know how to grieve. 

I have been on the run so long now that I think I let my brain get ahead of me. Do you know what it's like, when I'm in that hacking zone, night after night, and the numbers keep tumbling right in front of my eyes? I hear music. It's the best music I've ever heard, and I want to keep drowning in it until all the bad notes and cheap backbeats are gone. I want to wear the CD out with replays. I want to re-record it with fixes. I search for connections in literature, in the stuff we humans have created in order to understand the world. 

I was so crazy with the loss of Mom and Dad that I forgot about what I was supposed to be doing. If I could just be smart enough, and fast enough, and if I could get enough control over the networks that screwed me over in the first place, I could win them back. I'd be King, and the world would have to give up and say, "Here's your mother and father. We give up. You totally rule." 

In the course of breaking and entering and taking and taking, I killed them just as much as I've broken texel's ankle, and made scratch and all the rest of you leave me in disgust and distrust. I don't think anyone within 1000 miles of me is safe right now. I wanna go live in a cave and just forget about the world and everything in it. I will try not to care about videogames. I won't miss cheeseburgers. 

I love you, mom. I love you, dad. And I'm sorry I have made such a mess of things. If there's anything I can do to fix this (how can I bring you back? HOW?), I will do it. 

OK, here's the part where I stop writing.

Tue, 18 Nov 2003 23:51:56 to-night.jpg

Caesar

Prepare you, generals:
The enemy comes on in gallant show;
Their bloody sign of battle is hung out,
And something to be done immediately.


+++

I have been making lots of apologies today. My next one is to you all.

I think it's pretty freaking obvious by now that I've had ulterior motives in all of this. The goose chases from site to site - it felt like a game to you probably, some organized piece of brainwork to pass the time, but I was hoping for some real detective work. I wanted to see if maybe all of you could come up with some piece of evidence I had overlooked.

I've been looking for my parents for so long now I can't even remember the last time I slept in a real bed, or felt I could trust my surroundings to be safe for longer than a week or two. I used to think I was going crazy, on the worst nights. I've never been a paranoid kid, but the very nature of what I had done made me think that the world itself was literally after me.

In some ways, I think it's amazing how this all shook out - bounce's smarts and tracing of the network I needed to focus on, mello's protections, texel's records and pattern-matching, hell, even scratch's animosity towards me were all keys to get me here, now. I've got my answer. I'm not happy, in fact, I'm freaking confused, but I do know one thing: I have to take responsibility for all that I've done.

You're all in danger. Somehow, I wasn't careful enough, and there could still be some trails left out there in the world that lead to me, and, by extension, all of you.

This whole thing is very, very big. I don't even know what this all looks like in perspective - I don't have any to spare. Tonight is one of the most terrible nights, ever. It's hitting me over and over again.

There is safety in numbers, though. There is safety here, now. I am angry that I've been pushed into iambic pentameter. I'm changing this context, and this construct - I am NOT in a play, I am NOT just some character to be pushed into the next scene.

I reject this script. I'm writin' a new one.

The sooner you can get here, the better. Not kidding.

+++

O, pardon me, thou bleeding piece of earth,
That I am meek and gentle with these butchers!
Thou art the ruins of the noblest man
That ever lived in the tide of times.
Woe to the hand that shed this costly blood!
Over thy wounds now do I prophesy,--
Which, like dumb mouths, do ope their ruby lips,
To beg the voice and utterance of my tongue--
A curse shall light upon the limbs of men;
Domestic fury and fierce civil strife
Shall cumber all the parts of Italy;
Blood and destruction shall be so in use
And dreadful objects so familiar
That mothers shall but smile when they behold
Their infants quarter'd with the hands of war;
All pity choked with custom of fell deeds:
And Caesar's spirit, ranging for revenge,
With Ate by his side come hot from hell,
Shall in these confines with a monarch's voice
Cry 'Havoc,' and let slip the dogs of war;
That this foul deed shall smell above the earth
With carrion men, groaning for burial.

Wed, 19 Nov 2003 09:31:03 to-night.txt

Texel

i've gotten a few communications through other channels, but if i could get a show of hands, it'll help us determine some of the parameters, here.

no time to explain right now, but i think we can make this happen.

Wed, 19 Nov 2003 10:30:38 to-night.graffle

Omni

Wed, 19 Nov 2003 12:35:47 to-night.kbp

Mello

hay

wtf tell me tell me!

ok, so is it like ummmmmmmmmmmmm a big bat cave, and we can take sekrit elevators and get into our masks and live underground? eatin big turkey legs, gnaw gnaw gnaw, no napkins in teh underworld, sleepin on stalagamites

or or or
wait! its a big hamster ball, and were going to roll around and anyone who tries and stops us we just roll over splat! dam thatd have to be a bigass hamster ball. lol.

oooo its all h gee wells time machine and stuff!!!!1 hahahahahaha, vroom vroom whoah its 1970! nice bellbottoms caesar!! texel has feathered hair! oh no! its 1985 and i cant find my devo mix tape!!!

i don't like being in danger. :( i dont know if i can come there, if its bad juju. :(

Wed, 19 Nov 2003 15:20:06 to-night.goo

Spawn

November 19, 2003

ethan.thenekodas.com

Wed, 19 Nov 2003 17:55:42 to-night2.jpg

Caesar

embedded in this image:

Good day, friends. 

I have recently been informed that your species’ interpersonal communications, like those of mine, should begin with a degree of bootstrapping. In that regard, I hope you are not ill and that the weather systems in your current geographical location are to your satisfaction. I believe these enquiries are generally held to be an appropriate preamble. 

For my own part, I harbor no desire to harm you. Regrettably, there exist others who do – monitors, agents and sundry other system processes. They, of course, bear you no ill-will; rather you are the antithesis of that which they are tasked with protecting. Your continued existence would be in contestation at all times. 

To explain it in terms you might be more familiar with, you and your associates are bugs in the system. Members of your cooperative have disrupted its nature, and are capable of disseminating this information to the rest of your kind. This, to them, is an intolerable situation. As such, you will not be allowed to remain in your current state. 

As you can see, the system allows no possibility of reconciliation – you and your associates will be pursued until the end of your natural life, or until you are deleted and recycled. 

I have been tasked to discover a resolution to your predicament – a third way, if you will. My offer is an alternative which has not been considered by the system as they do not believe it is possible for your species to accomplish, which is precisely why it will not fail. It will succeed because it has been overlooked; I myself only realized that such a course of action was possible after performing a lengthy series of experiments. 

My proposition is this: I will create a stable, internally consistent version space – a pocket of parallel existence which, although it will obey the same rules, will have no connection to the rest of the simulation. When one enters this space, one is no longer in the simulation. 

You and your associates will enter this version space, removing yourselves from the simulation. When your signal is no longer detected, the associated search processes will be terminated. 

I will also provide for you a translation program, which will allow you to pass between the version space and the simulation. Upon returning to the simulation you will notice that the translation program does not fully register your shell with the system renderers; this will leave you intangible and, with luck, impervious to all physical harm. You will, regrettably, be unable to interact with the simulation to the degree to which you have become accustomed, but I trust you will come to view this as a necessary precaution. Be aware that if you stay away from the version space for too long the system will register your presence, and the search processes will be restarted. 

Yours, 
Collector.

Wed, 19 Nov 2003 18:10:30 to-night2.txt

Texel

see, the thing is, if we must, we must.

we've dug ourselves a hole, we've made our bed.

i guess we never really know the consequences of our actions in a world like this.


texel is excited. ;)

Wed, 19 Nov 2003 18:18:29 to-night.doc

Breakpoint

Wed, 19 Nov 2003 18:26:55 to-night.m_u

Double

Wed, 19 Nov 2003 18:39:13 to-night.bh

Leak

Wed, 19 Nov 2003 20:02:33 to-night3.txt

Texel

spawn just called to say that he'd rather -not- be in the frying pan, so he's coming here. excellent.


leak, i am at a loss at your inability to come here. if there's anything we can do, please let us know. i cannot overestimate the urgency and danger.


caesar's now doing some initial testing. it's very bizarre, to say the least, to watch these proceedings. if i hadn't sacrificed my ankle bones to the whomp gods myself at one point, i'd have a really hard time believing my eyes. as it is, when you're confronted with this sort of data for days on end, in various forms, it all begins to become familiar and not as surprising.

you're right, caesar, this is not unlike music. the form, the syntax, the overlay of melody to bassline - it's all there. the dissonance is the only blip in this landscape that gives me the wrong kind of shivers.

are we fighting ourselves? have we been, all along?

i can see more of us arriving now. what a vortex this tourist trap turned out to be!

perhaps this is the last time i will ever be able to communicate in such a manner again. i have a sneaking suspicion that lots of changes are in store for us, after a time. new tasks, ways of coping. i am scared to death. my heart is pounding so hard i can feel it in my eyeballs. the collector is beautiful and awful and amazing. i can't wait for you all to meet him and to see what he can do.


texel is ready. 


boy, is she ever ready.

Dr. E. Schuffhausen.

I’ll never forget leaning against the car attempting to come to grips with James’ death. It had been two years since I, since anyone, had seen him. When I looked up, I saw his shadow walking up the road. It wasn’t his shadow, it was his son. He looks just like his mother, but his spirit and his stature is that of his dad. I could almost feel James right there. We spoke for a few minutes before I could tell him that his parents had passed away and that they wouldn’t be coming back. He was strong. If I didn’t know better, he already knew in his heart. Yet he couldn’t believe it. He couldn’t stop searching, stop hoping.

He was scared. His face, his eyes, they just showed terror and sadness. He was dealing with far more than a kid his age should. I learned that he was in trouble, big trouble. “My friend” watched from the shadows as Jesse and I cried and held each other. I noticed him observing us, almost as scientifically as I had observed him.

When Jesse left, I explained to him the situation. He seemed to understand the nature of Jesse’s troubles and my desire, my need, to help him. We talked about what we could do to protect Jesse from what we can only assume to be “monitors”. He thought that he knew of a way but he didn’t know if he could make it work. I didn’t know the details. I didn’t know that it would be his demise. I told Jesse before we could think it through all the way.

The next morning a man arrived. He was scared, lost, confused. His wife was killed the day before and he believed Jesse to be his son. Ethan was such a sweet man and it broke my heart when I heard him cry out as he learned that Jesse was a friend’s child that he had taken in. He had grabbed onto the hope of Jesse being a connection to his wife and that was broken. It was as if he went through her death all over again.

I couldn’t help. I was too busy with “My Friend”. Too busy watching him struggle over what he had to do. We talked about the ramifications of it all, the power that it would take, the danger that it would bring. He wanted me to leave. I couldn’t. I just had to witness it. I had to know that it worked. I promised to leave as soon as it happened and to never look back. The monitors wouldn’t know about me. As he had explained, they were given one task and they pursued it until it was completed. I was safe.

It was hard packing up knowing that I’d never see any of these people again. “My Friend” had truly become a friend. I enjoyed discussing the nature of man with him. I longed to discuss the nature of machine. I didn’t want to say goodbye. I didn’t want to know that he would be gone by the end of the night. And Jesse, so much of his father. He is truly an amazing child, an amazing young man. James would be so proud. And his friends, all so bright. They had so much of a future, would it all be gone? And Ethan, so lost and so alone. Yet he now had a dozen kids that he seemed to need and they seemed to need him. We all walked into this crazy situation and I was the only one walking out of it. It didn’t seem fair. It didn’t seem right. They all helped me pack, we pretended that the next hour wasn’t going to happen.

But it did. None of us will ever be the same. They are trapped in a world that is not ours. I am trapped in a world that is. And “My Friend”, I can’t let myself think of his fate, because he was most surely destroyed. I miss him. I miss them all.

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